


The Way I See It

by Arsenic_Phantom



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Blindness, Bullying, M/M, Rape, Self-Harm, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-01-14 08:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1260205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arsenic_Phantom/pseuds/Arsenic_Phantom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's gay, he's overweight, he has no friends. Basically, Gerard Way hates his life. Even his little brother doesn't like talking to him. Then he meets a boy who gives him another view of himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

My name is Gerard Way. Should that be important to you? No, not even the slightest bit. I am an unimportant, overweight, homosexual waste of time, so there's no reason to remember my name. No one does really, but they know who I am. I'm 'that kid.' Every school has one. That kid who never has any friends, that kid who has nothing better to do ever, that kid who always sits alone at all times. I'm that kid. I'll never be anything BUT that kid. But it's not that bad, I'm not one for socializing anyway. I like it better on my own, no drama, no stress, just me and my music. 

Sometimes I want to make a friend, just one, just to have someone to talk to. But no one in their right mind would talk to me. Like I said, I'm that kid, I'd ruin their reputation in an instant. I used to have someone to talk to, my little brother, Mikey. But Mikey's nothing like me. He's thin, and as far as I know, he's straight, he also has a lot of friends. Mikey is normal, it's no wonder he doesn't spend time with me anymore. And besides, he doesn't understand me or what I'm going through. And I hope he never will. 

I'm sitting at lunch, alone as usual. I'm watching Mikey with his friends. I have to be honest, I'm a bit jealous of how my baby brother can talk to people so easily. Sometimes, I want to be him. He's got so much going for him, he'd be accepted by anyone. As I'm watching Mikey, out of the corner of my eye, I see someone sitting alone. I turn my attention to him, and once I do, I'm instantly amazed. This boy is gorgeous. He's beautiful, and not in the way other people define it, but really beautiful. There are flaws, plenty of them, but it's perfect.he has dark hair, wearing baggy clothes. He's also wearing sunglasses, so I can't see his eyes, but I'm willing to bet that they're absolutely stunning. 

I want to talk to him. I wanna talk to him so bad. But for the sake of him and his reputation, I'll leave him alone. So I just sit there, staring at him. I'm sure I look like a freak, but I don't care. If he's anything like how he looks, he's nice. But no matter how nice he might be, no one in the world is nice enough to talk to me. My attention is suddenly taken away from the boy when a person sits at my table. I quickly look at the person, giving him a look as if he has two heads. Right then, I know who it is, and I know why they're here. I also know that no good will cone from what is about to happen. 

Bert McCracken, school asshole, sits in front of me, grinning. "Gerard... What do you thing you're doing?" He asks. Bert's actually the only one who knows my name, aside from Mikey. I raise an eyebrow, looking at the empty chairs. "Uh... Sitting," I say. He rolls his eyes, shaking his head. "No shit, Sherlock! I mean what are you doing looking at the new kid. Ya think he's gonna talk to you? The kid would have to be a real idiot to wanna be friends with you! I mean, come on, have you seen yourself? Hell, even your brother is ashamed to admit he knows you! You're pathetic!" He says loudly. 

I look at Mikey to see if he's watching this. He is, but that's it, he's not doing anything else. Part of me hopes that he'll break this up, but the rest of me knows that Bert's right. Mikey's ashamed. And who wouldn't be? Mt brother and I make eye contact. I give him a pleading look, and he stands up. I get hopeful, but that goes away as I watch Mikey turn to leave. I turn to face Bert again, and he's laughing. "See? I told you, even your brother is disgusted with you! How tragic, you poor little fag!!!" He exclaims. I look down and stand up, walking away from him as he sits there in triumph. Yes, you've picked on 'that kid' again, good for you. As I leave, I turn back, giving the new kid one last glance.

After school, I'm at home, Mom's at work, and Mikey is with his friends. I'm sitting on the floor, my back pressed up against the tile wall, a small pool of blood accumulating on the linoleum floor. I stare at my wrist, gazing upon the torn up flesh. Somehow, it doesn't hurt, but I really want it to. I want to feel more pain from my self-destruction rather than the pain from the belittling words they say to me day in and day out. I want to bleed my hurt away and pretend it never happened. But no matter how deep I cut, how much I bleed, or how painful it feels now, it's never enough. The hurt inside is still too much, I never win. 

But there's a way out, there always is. I can make it all go away, I can make it stop, and I can see for myself if I'm really a waste. If I die, would anyone care? I could scream my way through death, but would anyone hear it? If I die, would Mikey regret caring, and Bert regret hurting me? Or would I reagent dying? Unanswered questions that I want so badly to know. If I do die, and do regret it, there's no going back. And if I don't regret it, then I'm free, far from anything and anyone that's done me wrong. Nothing, no one, could hurt me again. 

Dying would be scary, it would be thrilling, but painful, it would be my greatest adventure. Dying is a risk, but it's a risk I might just be willing to take. I think about it often. It's a fantasy of mine. The underworld, the afterlife, the other side of the veil, everything that could happen after death. It's grim and dark, but also exciting and romantic. It's something I've always wanted to try. Someday, but not today. 

I lay the razor in the sink, grabbing a towel from beside me. I stand up straight and dab at my wrists that gave gained quite a few more battle scars. Once the bleeding stops, I throw my oversized sweatshirt over my head and walk out the door. The house is still empty, aside from me, and I can think of only one thing to do. Draw. I go upstairs to my bedroom and lock the door behind me. I sit at my desk and turn on my lamp. I take a folder out of my backpack, inside are all of the drawings I've ever done. I pull out a new, blank, white sheet of paper, and go to work. 

Drawing is the only thing I know how to do, it's the only thing that makes sense to me. It relieves so much stress, and for once, just one moment, I'm in control. No one can tell me that I'm doing it wrong, because I say I'm doing it right. I can draw whatever I want and it's okay. It's a way of telling the world that they can fuck off and that I'm not bad at everything. I like to say I'm good at art, saying it boosts my self esteem. So arts good for me, it kinda keeps me alive, in a way. Having been suicidal for about a year now, art keeps. E going, so yeah, I need art, I need it bad. 

Hours pass and I'm finally done. I sit back and look at what I created. There is a man standing in the road, it's midnight, and there's blood on his hands. From the streetlight, you can see the body at his feet. A woman. Her eyes are opened wide, blood is gushing from her neck. The man is smiling as if he'd gotten away with something. But in the back, you can see the dull glow of red and blue lights of a police car. I smile to myself at my accomplishment, and flip it over to put a title on the back. With a mechanical pencil, I scrawl "Life on the Murder Scene by Gerard Arthur Way". Once that's done, I put ti in my folder.

I go downstairs, it's still dark out, maybe ten o'clock. Still, nobody is home, at least from what I can tell. A sudden bang from upstairs startles me. I gaze at the stairway for only a moment, but then head back up stairs. Something bangs again, and I know where it's coming from. And there it is again. I quickly go to Mikey's bedroom and throw the door open, thanking God he doesn't have a lock on that door. There, I see my little brother slamming his bass guitar against everything. He doesn't see me and goes for another swing at his wall. I rush over and grab hold of the guitar as it is in mid-swing. Mikey spins around to face me, and what I see makes my breath catch in my throat. 

His clothes are torn, his glasses are broken, and on his face are tons of scrapes and bruises. "What happened How did you get busted up like that?" I ask. He yanks the bass away and glares. "You happened, Gerard. This is all your fault." He says, his voice dripping with hate. I back away from him and ask. "Mikey, what are you talking about?" He scoffs and starts to wander around the room. "I'm talking about how you're a loser! How you are affects me! I just got the living shit beat outta me because your'e my brother! I mean, I did nothing to then, but because I even know you, I'm the one who gets beaten!" He screams.

I don't say anything, I don't know what I could say. I just stand there, staring at him. He's crying now and there's blood suddenly leaking from a gash on his cheek. "Well, what do you want me to do about it? I can't just stop being your brother, I-I don't know how to fix this, okay. I'm sorry that they hurt you, it really wasn't fair." I say. Mikey walks toward me with clenched fists. Once he reaches me, one fist slams hard against my face. And in a low voice, he says, "No, it wasn't fair, but I know what you can do. You can stay the hell out of my life, faggot, and if you can't do that, it's better for all of us if you just die."

I walk out and the door slams in my face. Tears pour out soon after. Well there you have it. You now have a taste of what my normal life is like. Now I've got absolutely no one at all. There used to be rare times where Mikey wasn't ashamed of me, and he'd talk to me, sometimes even in public too. But clearly, any chance of that happening now is next to nothing. They're long gone now. I can't easily stay out of his life, not when I live with him. But to make him happy, and to keep myself alive, I'll do the best I can. For now, I have to hunt down those motherfuckers who beat up my brother, because even if he hates me, he's still my baby brother, and I still love him. But it's late, I'm tired, and I'm going to go to bed.


	2. Chapter Two

I had an incredibly restless night, I just couldn't sleep. I was too busy thinking about Mikey and what he said to me. And besides, who could possibly get any sleep when someone is demolishing their room right across the hall? Mikey didn't go to school today, told Mom he was sick, but it know that's not true. I'm sure it's because he's ashamed to have been beaten. Trust me, Mikes, you get used to it after a while. I ruined his life just by being his brother and I hate it. Honestly, I considered suicide again last night, taking Mikey's advice, but I thought I should see how things go first. If all else fails, then I'll do the world a favor and get the hell out. 

Again, I'm sitting alone at the lunch table. I don't mind, it's nothing new or anything, it's been this way for as long as I can remember. I'm watching the new kid again. He's at the same table as he was the other day, still alone. I don't care anymore. Not about how he's alone, but about how I am. I don't care if I'm ugly or fat, I'm going to go talk to him, because I know how much it sucks to be alone. I may have to stay out of Mikey's life, but not everyone's. And if all goes well, I'll have a friend. And for the first time in forever, I won't be so alone. 

Slowly, I stand up, keeping my eyes on the new kid. Tentatively, I approach his table, my heart is beating quicker with each step I take. I feel like I'm in the middle of a battlefield with no armor. More nervous than I've ever been I sit on the other side of the table. He doesn't notice me. I take a deep breath and say, "h-hi, are you uh... Are you new here?" He looks up, but not at me, not completely. "Hm? Are you talking to me?" He asks. I nod, saying, "yes." He smiles a bit, and even see his face redden a bit. "Uh, yeah, I am. But uh... Do you think that you could sit closer... S-so I can hear you better." He says. I get up and move closer, beside him. Damn, he's even prettier up close. I only wish he wouldn't wear those sunglasses, so I can see his eyes. 

"Um, my name's Gerard," I say shyly. He smiles again and sticks out his hand. "I'm Frank Iero, it's great to finally meet someone who's not a teacher," he says. I shake his hand briefly and chuckle a bit. "Yeah, same here," I tell him. He let's go of my hand and asks, "are you new too?" I consider his question, I know I have options. I could tell him I'm new, and he'd think nothing of it. Or I could tell him the truth and risk having him think I'm a loser. But I know better, be truthful from the start. "No, I'm not new, I just don't make friends all that we'll." I explain. He nods and tilts his head. "Why's that?" He asks. I bite my lip, then just say, "I'm just not well liked, I dunno why." 

At that, people are standing around the table. I look around at Bert and his friends, instantly hating myself for pulling Frank into this. "Hey kid, why're you hanging out with Geetard?" Bert asks. Frank looks up searching for the face that spoke. "His name's Gerard, and I'm talking to him because he came to me and he's nice," he says. I look at Frank, almost ready to tell him not to talk, but I doubt he'll listen to me. Bert lets out a laugh, saying, "he might be nice, but have you seen his face?! Don't you see how fat he is? God, you'd have to be fucking blind to be able to talk to him and not get nauseous!" 

Instantly, Frank stands up, directly facing Bert. "Actually, I am! I am blind! I can't see a damn thing, I've never been able to see! And y'know what. I like it. This way I know who the real ugly people are, and you are hideous. So shove off and take a real good look at yourself before you think to call someone else ugly!!!" Frank snaps. I'm in shock. I had no idea, but I suppose it only makes sense, the way he always wears sunglasses, and how he can never look directly at something. I guess I'm more shocked that I never noticed. I watch with wide eyes as Bert moves back to his table. Frank sits down with a dramatic huff. 

I turn my attention to him and say, "So, you're really blind?" I bite my tongue, hoping that I wasn't making him uncomfortable by asking. He nods and takes off his sunglasses. He opens his eyes and they're pale grey, almost dead looking. "Wow, I guess you're lucky then..." I say. He frowns and shakes his head. "No, not really. I just moved here, y'know. I don't really ion the place and so it's hard to get used to a new town when you can't see it," he explains. 

Frank puts his glasses back on and continues to talk. "But you're also eight in some ways, Gerard, this way, I can't judge people based on how they look physically, like everyone else does. They do it, and might not even notice that they do. I have to get to know someone before I make assumptions on looks. Not physical looks, but the inside. So people can be beautiful and ugly to me still. Like that guy that was just here, I can tell he's and ugly guy, but maybe he really isn't, he might be lying to himself when he's really a good person. And you, you're the only person who I've ever met who talked to me voluntarily. And based on what you've said so far, and just the way you talk, it's very beautiful. Gerard, you are a beautiful person, I can tell." 

I smile at him and sit closer. "Thank you, Frank, that means a lot, really," I say. Frank beams and stretches his arms out. "C'mon, don't be shy, gimme some love," he says. Tentatively, I reach forward and wrap my arms around him gently. Frank isn't shy at all, he's unashamed to be seen with me. He snuggles into me and lays his head on my shoulder. Honestly, I'm almost brought to tears by his kindness, I don't know what to do now. I haven't hugged anyone since I was a kid, before Mikey grew up and pushed me away. I hold Frank closer and listen closely as he says. "Y'know, I like you, Gerard, you're a really great guy. I don't care what everyone else thinks of you, I think you're beautiful.

After school, I'm sitting at my desk in my room. I'm drawing a sketch of Frank. I smile to myself the whole time. What happened to me, that's big. My life is gonna change from here, I know it. But not only has this made me feel excited and happy, I also feel like I'm gonna vomit, I'm so nervous. But now I know that people can attack me with their words, they can say what they've always said, and I don't care anymore. When they tell me that no one who can see will ever love me, I'll take that with pride because I know it's true. In my entire life, I've only made one friend, and he happens to be blind. Their prognosis was right, and I this should actually hurt more, right? Wrong. Frank is the nicest person I've ever met, and I don't care that he's blind. Their jokes aren't funny anymore, because their most hurtful joke same to life, and it feels great. 

After long, I go downstairs to find Mikey sitting on the couch, staring at the wall. "Mikey?" I say quietly. I stand still, not moving. I don't know if he wants me so close yet. I watch him as he slowly turns to me, staring at me with a dark glare. "So, you finally made a friend, huh? Frank?" He asks. I nod, backing away to the staircase. His voice is calm, way too relaxed, and it scares me. "Y-yes... Is that a problem?" I ask quietly. He stands up, staring me down with those hate-filled eyes. "You're damn right there's a problem. The only friend you're able to make is blind, proving that you're too disgusting for normal people to like you. Wanna know what that does to me. It really embarrasses me. I get picked on by all of my friends because you're so ugly, that only blind people can tolerate you. You're tearing my life apart here, Gerard, don't you even care?" 

Anger rises up inside of me. "Oh, you poor thing," I say, gritting my teeth. "Poor Mikey, having to be picked on a little bit because his older brother finally made a friend. Maybe his selfish brother should think more about Mikey, huh? Maybe he should do something for someone else for once in his life! Or, better than that... Maybe he should just kill himself so that Mikey doesn't have to be laughed at anymore, because god forbid I have anyone caring about me!!!" My voice raises nearly 100% as I finish. Mikey stares at me for a long time before saying, "yeah, maybe you should." I stand in shock as he turns to leave. I didn't think he'd actually agree to that. 

Tears fill my eyes as I hear his door slam. I've always known he hated me, but to agree that I should kill myself only proves just how much. Slowly, I walk to my room shutting the door quietly behind me. Because of the things said to me by everyone else in my life. 

, I start to feel that he's right. Maybe I really should do everyone a favor and get the hell out of their lives, if that is what makes them happy. Because all the bad things ever said dramatically outweighs the good, being that the only real good was ever really said just today. It was said by Frank, the only one in the world to give a fuck about me. 

If I kill myself, would Frank care. I mean, didn't he say that I was his friend, the only one who would voluntarily talk to him. We'll he's the same for me, and I know that if something were to happen to him, I'd be really hurt, even though I only met him today. So I turn all of my thoughts to him. How he's blind and finds it positive. How he was happy to be around me of all people. How he stood up for me when even I wouldn't. He cares more about me that undo, he's the one that called me beautiful, he's the one keeping me alive. If I had to have gone one more day without Frank Iero, I'd probably be dead now by my own hand. But thankfully, that isn't the case. I'm lucky to say that I've got Frank in my corner and I don't need anyone else.


	3. Chapter Three

Days passed by, weeks, nearly a month has come and gone, but Frank hasn't. Frank's amazing, he really is. I've gotten to know him pretty well, and I can't find a single thing wrong with him. One thing that I know for sure, he's talented. He's been playing guitar since he was five. No, I haven't actually heard it, but I can assume that he's great at it. He says his dad taught him how, his dad must be patient to teach a blind person to play an instrument. Or maybe I only just think that because my own father didn't even have the patience to stay with us. But either way, Frank plays guitar and that's something pretty special. He says he'll play some music for me today, and I'm really excited. I cleaned up basically my entire house so that he doesn't trip and potentially injure himself while walking. I made sure that Mikey wasn't going to be home either, just so that he can't start up any fights with me. I just hope all goes well.

I listen to my music for about an hour, my stomach flipping and filling with butterflies as I think of what it'll be like to hear Frank play guitar for the first time. I'm sure it'll be beautiful, just like he is. Yeah, I gotta say now, Frank's kinda grown on me more than I though he would. I've developed a bit of a crush on him. But y'know what? It's actually more of a stagnant crush, to be honest. One where you feel it, but you know that they wont feel it back. It sucks, but I'll cope, as long as I can stay friends with him. I hear the knock at my door and I run down the stairs more enthusiastically than I probably should have. I grin wide as I open the door, the grin growing as I see Frank. "Hey Frankie!" I say happily. Frank smiles and waves nervously. "Hey Gerard," he replies. Is it just me or does he look almost as nervous as I feel? I say nothing, but I gently grab his wrist, leading him inside. "My... room is upstairs. Is that okay?" I asked. He nodded and I smiled in relief. "Great, let's go." I say.

I lead Frank to my bedroom, closing the door. Honestly, I'm glad Frank can't see me right now, I can feel my face heat up, and I'm sure that my face is beet red. Frank grins, aimlessly turning his head from side to side. "Black Sabbath?" He asks at the sound of my music. "Exactly!" I say, smiling. I look around my room, honestly not sure what to say next. Normally one of us is a motor mouth and the other can't shut them up. "So... do you want me to play something now, or do we wait?" He asks. I'm not sure. I know he said that he'd need to borrow my guitar, and I'm not sure how messy my closet is, so if I open it and everything falls out, how embarrassing would that be? But then again, I'll have to open it some time, and I'm really excited to hear him. "We can now, I guess," I say. He nods then frowns. "Is there a place for me to sit?" He asks.

I lead him to my bed and he sits. I go to the other side of my room. I turn of my music, resisting the urge to apologize to my cd for rudely interrupting them like I normally do. I head to my closet, gripping the handle. I slowly open it, then open all the way, relieved that it wasn't a giant mess. I grab out my guitar and bring it to Frank. "Here you go," I say, setting it on his lap. He smiles and brings it closer. "Thank you. So uh, what do you want me to play? I know a ton of songs," he says. I shrug and sit beside him. "Whatever you know how to play the best," I reply.

With that, he started to strum. He played the beginning to a song that I knew well. It's a song by Green Day called Good Riddance. It's a very good song, and I'm glad he chose this one. His skill is great, the music is beautiful, but if that wasn't good enough, he started singing. "Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road... time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go... So make the best of this task and don't ask why... It's not a question but a lesson learned in time... It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life..." As he sings, I actually feel tears in my eyes, which is embarrassing and another reason I'm happy Frank can't see me. As I listen to him, I wonder what it's like to be in his position, to never be able to see anything. I think about this often, but it always makes me wonder how he keeps himself so happy without ever seeing a smile or a sunset, or even a rainbow. He's so strong, braver than I could ever be, I've come to admire him. I'm lucky I've found Frank, I really need him.

Soon enough, the song is over. I stare at him, a smirk growing on my face as I started to chuckle. "Frank... that's great! You're awesome!" I tell him. He smiles shyly, his face turning a slight shade of red. "Thank you... but I'm really not." He whispered. I sit closer beside him and grab one of his shoulders, staring directly at him. "Frank you are, stop trying to tell yourself that you aren't. If you wont let me feel bad about myself, I'm not gonna let you!" I say. He bites his lip and smirks, his face turning a darker red. "I-I'm not though..." he says. I shake my head and fully grab both of his shoulders now. "You are Frankie, stop it!" I say. I know, I sound really sappy, but I don't care.  
Frank starts to pull away from me, and I start to panic. He wants to leave. What can I do about it? I can't make him stay, that's rude, but I don't want to let him go. My mind starts to make me believe that I was being too persistent and it scared him away. What can I do but let him go? If he wants to go away, who am I to stop him? I don't have the right. I feel tears start to form in my eyes. "I'm sorry Frank...." I say, my voice quavering. I move my hands away from him, and he lifts a hand and reaches out. He searches around for a moment, then stops on my face. "Gerard... I honestly don't know why you'd think about me like that, but I really appreciate it." He says.

I can feel my face heat up as he sits even closer than he was before. I can't speak, what would I say to him? He leans in close and soon, our faces are so close, our lips are nearly brushing. "Am I even close to you, Gerard?" He asks, his voice no higher than a whisper. I don't respond, not with words. Instead, I lean in, closing the gap between us. He tenses up from the sudden contact, but relaxes as he wraps his arms around my neck. My heart pounds in my chest, and I think he might be able to hear it. I place my hand on the side of his face, leaning in closer and deepening the kiss. He breaths in deeply and snakes his tongue across my bottom lip. My eyes widen at the sudden contact. I pull away suddenly, he quickly removes himself from me, stumbling to his feet.

"I-I'm so sorry Gerard! I'm sorry!" He gasps. He continues to move back, and I watch in frozen fear as he trips over my guitar, landing on the floor, smacking his head against my dresser. "Frank!" I cry out. I rush to his side, quickly helping him to his feet. "Frank, I'm so sorry, I should have warned you. Shit, are you okay?" I ask, alarmed. He nods, tears dripping from his eyelashes silently. He says he's fine, but I don't think I believe him. You can clearly see red liquid slowly coming from the bleached part of his hair. "I'm sorry Gerard..." He whispered. I honestly have no idea why he would be apologizing to me.

I grab Frank's wrist, gently dragging him to the bathroom. I let go of his arm to get a wash cloth dampened. "Gerard... what's going on? Where are we now?" He asks, fear filling his voice. I try to remain calm as I say, "You hit your head pretty hard, you're bleeding a little, but I promis you'll be okay, it's not too bad." Frank whimpers and slowly reaches his hand up to the back of his head. I watch as he gently touches his new wound, wincing from the pain. 

Once I have the cloth ready, I carefully dab it on his head. "I'm really sorry Frankie." I say. He shakes his head. "No, I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have done that. I didn't know that you were, y'know... straight. I shouldn't have just kissed you like that." he tells me. I freeze and stare at the back of his head. He thinks that I'm straight? I bite my lip hard, trying to think of what to say to him. "Uh... Frankie, I'm not straight, not at all..." I say quietly, continuing to clean his head until I couldn't see blood anymore.

He turns around, a confused look on his face. "You are? Then... why didn't you want me to kiss you? Do you... do you not like me or something?" He asks, slightly offended. My eyes widen quickly. "Oh no! I do like you, a-a lot. That was just, well it was my first kiss and I didn't really know what to do! I didn't want to mess it up and make you not like me," I explain. There's a small moment of silence, then Frank giggles. "Gee, you really think I wont like you because of how you kiss?" He asks, clearly holding back more giggles.  
My face heats up and I look at the floor. "Maybe... yeah..." I mumble. He giggles and wrapps his arms around me. "You're adorable. I wouldn't do that! That's silly! Gee, I'd still love you even if you were the worst kisser on earth!" He says. I smile in relief, but then his words register in my mind. "Wait... you... love me?" I ask. He blinks, then nods. "Yeah! I mean, it might be a little quick, but I know you're an amazing person, Gerard!" He says. He hugs me tight and I can't help but hug back. Finally, for the first time in my life, not only have I found a friend, but someone loves me. 

Frank sighs happily, then says, "Y'know what, Gee? I like that you weigh more. You're more fun to hug that way!" I feel like crying, no one has ever said anything positive about my weight before. We go back to my room, Frank plays more songs, and we kiss... a lot. But soon enough, it starts to get late and Frank's dad will be here to pick him up. We're listing to music on the couch in the living room. "Gerard... this is the most fun I've ever had. Thank you." Frank mumbles. I grin and kiss his nose. "I have to thank you too Frankie. I never thought I'd get to have a day like this." I tell him. He curls into me, laying his head on my chest.

"Gee, can I ask you a question?" He asks. I sit up a bit and grab his hand. "Yeah, go ahead," I say. He bites his lip, then says, "How did you tell you family that you're gay?" He asks quietly. I think about this for a moment. "Actually, I didn't. They just sort of knew, " I say. He nods, sighing. "I really think that I should tell my dad about it. He deserves to know. It's not fair that I'm keeping something from him." He says softly.

Frank sits all the way up, now looking upset. "I-I just don't want him to hate me," he whispers. I frown and sit up with him. "He wont hate you Frank. Maybe it'll take some time for him to get used to it, but I'm sure he'll adjust. He wouldn't hate you," I say, cupping his cheek with my hand. He nods, leaning into my hand, nuzzling it with his nose. "You don't know my dad. He's very closed-minded, and he kind of... he hates gay people. He hates them so much, he doesn't consider us human. I want him to accept me," he explains, tears filling his eyes.

Before I can say anymore, there's a knock at the door. Frank pulls away from me, wiping his eyes. "That's my dad," he says. He gets off the couch and I lead him to the door. I open it and a mand stands ahead of us. He looks a lot like Frank, except a lot more hostile looking. "So you're Gerard, huh? Frank's told me a lot about you," he says. I smile nervously and nod. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Iero," I say, my voice higher than I should have liked.

His dad said nothing more, just grabbed Frank by the arm and started to pull him away. "Uh, by Gerard, I'll see you on Monday," Frank says. I smile a little more. "Good night Frank, Mr. Iero," I call out. Frank's dad stops and tuns to me, sneering. "Good night yourself." He spits as he shoves Frank into the car. I can't help but worry about Frank, his dad seems to be assertive.

 

-Frank's POV-

 

I get into the car, groping around for the seat belt. I hear the car doors slam around me. "I don't like Gerard, Frank," Dad says as soon as the car starts to move. I turn to the right of me, where I know my dad is. "Why not? There's nothing wrong with him," I say sheepishly. I can feel the tension rising. "I just don't know anything about him, I don't like you hanging around people I don't know," he says. I sigh and turn away from him. "You don't like me hanging around anyone, Dad," I mumble.

The rest of the way home is dead silent, and it scares me. When the car finally stops and Dad drags me to the house, he says, "What do you mean I don't let you hang out with anyone? I'm more than fair with you!" I felt anger rising up inside of me. "More than fair? How are you fair? You hardly let me do anything!" I snap. It doesn't take long before he says, "Because you can't hardly do anything! You can't even see!"  
Tears fill my eyes from that. "Dad, you don't know anything about me," I say in a low voice. At that, I'm pressed up against a wall, hot breath on my face. "What's that supposed to mean?" My dad says harshly. I clench my fists as I say, "It means... you. Don't. Know. Me." He lets me go but the back of his hand collides with my face. "Prove that to me then! Name one thing I don't already know about you!" He screams.

I'm so angry, I can hardly contain it. "I am a homosexual, Dad. And I'm in love with Gerard Arthur Way!!!" I shout at the top of my lungs. Then it's silent again. Completely silent. At first, I think Dad left the room, but I'm quickly corrected when I feel his fits on my jaw. "You're... disgusting! How could you be so foul?! You're worthless, no son of mine!!! You were born worthless by your worthless mother! But this... you're sick!!!" He screams loudly.  
The fists don't stop coming at me, and neither do his words, which hurt more than the fists. I've never felt so much hate in his words, in his touch. I beg for him to stop, but he only gets worse. His punches get harder. "Shut up! You're a disgusting freak! You have no right to talk!" He roars. His hands stop moving for a split second, but then one closes around my neck. He yanks me up, the pain setting in. He drags me down a hall, I'm gasping for air, struggling. I feel light headed. "D-Dad please... I can't.. b-breathe!!!" I rasp out.

He does let go, but instead shoves me. I land in a tight room. A closet. I gasp as air finally fills my lungs. I try to go forward and escape, but the door closes on my hand. I yank it back, screaming in pain. Something in my hand is definitely broken, I can feel the fiery pain, I can feel all the blood. "Dad! Daddy let me out!!!" I sob. He doesn't say anything, but I can hear the door lock. I hold back more sobs as he finally says. "Stay in the closet, faggot! The closet is right where freaks like you belong!" I stay in there all night, crying silently as my body aches.


	4. Chapter Four

-Gerard's POV-

Monday rolls around quicker than expected, but I don’t mind. Normally, I hate Mondays, but Monday means school, and school means I get to see Frank and seeing Frank is always good. When the alarm woke me up earlier, I wasn’t groggy at all; I am wide awake and ready to go. I run down the stairs as soon as I’m dressed. I run down so quickly that I nearly crash into Mikey. “Jesus Christ, Gerard! Do you ever watch where you’re going?” He snaps. Usually, I get all made and snap back rudely or I’d do something that I’d regret later, but instead, I just smile; I’m in too good of a mood to get upset. “Sorry Mikes, you’re right, I should have been watching where I was going,” I say, using his nearly forgotten pet name. Mikey raises an eyebrow then shakes his head, muttering, “What did you put in your coffee this morning?” He glares coldly, shoving past me.

Speaking of coffee, I have time to go drink some today. I head to the kitchen to our coffee brewer, already filled by Mom earlier this morning before work. I full up a mug with it, chugging it down, probably burning my tongue, but I don’t really care or notice. I set the now empty cup into the sink, reaching for my homework folder I had left on the counter the other night. “What the hell is going on with you today, Gerard?” Mikey asks from the doorway. I smile at him, shaking my head as I put my folder in my bag. “Nothing’s wrong Mikey, I’m just having a good morning, that’s all,” I tell him. He watches me suspiciously as I go to the front door. “Bye Mikey, I love you!” I call out before finally leaving.

When I get to school, I head to the same place that Frank and I always meet: at the bench right next to the office. Frank and I decided to meet here so he knew where to go and not get lost. But when I get there, he isn’t. Usually, Frank is at school before I am, so not seeing him is new for me. I don’t think too much of it, maybe he’s just ill or late. I sit on the bench and put my headphones in, passing the time and assuming that he’s late. But as time comes close to first period, I conclude that he’s just simply not here today. Sadly, I get off the bench and go to class, my mind spinning, searching for a reason for his absence. I don’t know what kind of day I’ll have without him. I suppose it’ll be just like how things used to be. Back onto the battlefield without my armor.

As the day stretches on and my energy wears thin, I start to realize just how much I need Frank. Knowing that I’m alone again is crappy, even though it’s just for one day. At lunch, it really is just like now it was when Frank wasn’t around. Bert and his friends joke as if I can’t hear them; they throw things at me, laugh too loud and Mikey watches. And as per usual, they circle around my table. “Hey Geetard, where’s your faggot friend?” Bert asks. I clench my fists and turn to him. “Shut up, McCracken! Frank isn’t a faggot. Just go away,” I say. Bert snorts out a laugh. “Oh yeah? Well how come your little brother told us that you two fucked on Saturday?” He retorts.

I turn to look at Mikey in disbelief. He wasn’t even home when Frank was there; he wouldn’t have known what we did. I turn back to Bert and say, “We didn’t! Frank only came over; I don’t know why Mikey would say something like that. H-he only came over.” Bert smirks as I sank lower into my seat. Surely Mikey wouldn’t actually do something like that to me. Lie to get Bert to do this to me. He doesn’t hate me that much. Does he? “Sure, Frank came over, all over you!” Bert hollers. Hearing him talk about Frank like that makes me sick and I’m not going to let him do that anymore. “Y’know what, you’re just a jerk. Congratulations, but where does that get you? Honestly, it’s pathetic how you’re amused by other people’s pain, or are you? Do you really like seeing other people hurt, or are you just hiding?” I ask. Bert glares at me, anger twisting his face. “Being a jerk gets me power over freaks like you, because that’s all you are, Gerard. You’re a freak, you and you faggot friend are freaks! That’s all you’ll ever be!” He spits.

Finding myself braver than I ever have been, I stand my ground. I rise from my chair, looking Bert right in the eyes as I say, “Well you don’t have that power anymore.” Finally, I slam my fist into his face, without really thinking it through. As Bert stumbles back, I know it was a mistake. Blood leaks from his nose as he glares at me. But then he smiles. “You shouldn’t have done that,” he says, all too calmly. All that happens next happens in a blur. I’m dragged from my chair and out of the lunch room, right into the bathroom where I’m shoved to the ground; all seeming to happen in a matter of seconds. As the door closes, Bert starts shouting insults at me. The words don’t hurt; he’s said them all before many times. But it feels sort of different, the walls of the bathroom echoing his voice, making him sound louder, bigger, like the voice of a giant shouting over me. “You have no right to touch me, freak! If you hit me, I hit back ten times harder!” He yells. And he does.

Bert slams his fist into my eye with so much force I can feel it swell instantly. I can’t feel the pain. I don’t know why, but I can’t. He doesn’t stop there, but I really didn’t expect him to. He throws himself onto me, attacking me with blows to the face, kicks in the gut, it doesn’t seem to end. His friends are circled around me, making me feel caged in, enclosed, trapped, claustrophobic. I gasp as Bert’s foot collides forcefully into my ribs. I don’t’ fight back, it would be useless. I curl up into a ball in an attempt to shield my vital organs. Bert snarls, kicking me in the head. “Don’t be such a fucking wimp, Geetard! Fight back!” He shouts. He kicks me in the head again and again, each time I can feel myself slowly starting to black out.

“Bert, stop,” a voice says. The beating ceases and I look up to see the one person I never thought I’d see. “That’s enough,” Mikey says. Bert stares at my little brother for a moment, the finally turning to leave, his friends following behind. I look at Mikey, staring at him with wide eyes. “Gerard, just get up,” he says. I do what he tells me to and I start to rise to my feet. The pain of the beating now hits me with full force. I let out a cry as I fall to my knees. Mikey rushes toward me quickly, helping me back up. Once I’m standing on my feet, I ask curiously, “Why did you help me?” He shrugs, looking around. “I’m not a total asshole, I wasn’t going to let him kill you,” he says. Mikey grabs a paper towel, dampening it with water from the sink. He reaches toward my face, dabbing at the blood. I grab his hand and smile, saying, “I got it, you go back to you friends.” He nods, and as he walks away, my heart warms to know that he cared, at least a little.

 

It’s been three days since the incident, and still no sign of Frank. I’m really starting to worry. What if something is seriously wrong? What if I scared him away? Hell, I probably freaked him out when he came over. He probably hates me now. I need to apologize. I grab out my phone and press in his home phone number. It rings over and over again until finally, someone picks up. “Hello,” they say, it’s Frank’s father. “Hi, is Frank home? I really need to talk to him,” I say. The line is quiet and I’m silently hoping it’s because he’s getting Frank. “No sorry, Frank’s busy,” he says. I bit my lip, looking around. “Well… do you know when a good time to call back is? It’s really important that I talk to him,” I explain. His father sighs, irritancy in is breath. “No, Frank’s going to be tied up for quite a while; he’s got a lot to do. And besides, he doesn’t want to talk to you. You used him. He told me all about the pity shit you pulled on him. Really Gerard, did you think your lies were going to last forever?” He said, hanging up the phone.

I drop the phone to the ground. Pity shit? What did that even mean? I never used Frank, I never lied to him and I would never even do any of that! Does Frank hate me that much? He’s so desperate to get away from me that he would lie about it? I just can’t believe it, I thought he loved me. Tears fill my eyes, the pain from this hurts worse than any blow from Bert’s fists ever could. I lay on the couch, ignoring the piles of homework assigned to me today. I just don’t understand it. Frank is such a sweet and loving guy. I mean, he was willing to be friends with the biggest loser ever. He said he loved me! Why would he turn around and tell his father that I just lied to him and used him? It doesn’t make any sense.

Quite honestly, I’d like to lie on this couch for the rest of eternity, two eternities, forever. I don’t want to move, or to think, or to exist at all. I want to fade into nothing. But apparently, the universe does not agree with me. Someone knocking at the door is clearly a sign to get off my ass, abandoning my plans. I slowly get up as the knocking grows louder, faster, more urgent. I unlock the door, opening it at the speed of a sloth, but the door gets shoved open by the person outside, who turns out to be Mikey. He stumbles in, falling into me, sobbing into my chest.

“Whoa, Mikey! What’s wrong?! What is it?” I ask, shoving my own problems aside. He doesn’t answer. Instead, he holds on tighter, crying louder. I lead him to the couch, holding him close. I’ve never seen him like this before, he has always been the more emotionally stable one. He clings to me, gripping my shirt with shaking hands. I stroke his hair with one hand while patting his back with the other. “Mikey, you need to talk to me, what happened?” I ask again. He buries his face in the crook of my neck, now trying to keep his sobs back. “Please tell me Mikes, I’m worried about you. Talk to me,” I say. He whimpers, shaking his head over and over again. I don’t know what to say now, it’s clear that he’s not going to be telling me anything any time soon.

Mikey and I sit on the couch together; I let him cry for a good 45 minutes before he falls asleep on my shoulder. I stand up, gently laying him on his back, wrapping a blanket around him. I stare at him, taking his glasses off his face. I know he gets a headache if he leaves them on all night. I’m worried about him, very worried. Whatever happened must have been terrifying if it scared him enough to come to me. Out of all the people he knew, he came to me. I’m the guy that even he doesn’t like, so this can’t be good. I need to find out what’s happened to my little brother, I need to keep him safe. It’s my job as the older brother to do so. I press a kiss to his forehead, whisper a goodnight, and trudge up to my room. I can’t worry about my problems, not when my brother has a problem that is potentially much bigger. My own issues are just going to have to wait.

 

-Frank’s POV-

 

How long has it been? Five, maybe six days? I honestly don’t know anymore. I’m still trapped inside the closet, and I’m afraid that I’ll never get out. My father hasn't spoken to me, I don’t even know if he’s home. He could have easily just gone off on his own for as long as he wants me in here. I need him to let me out, I hate small spaces as it is. “Dad?! Please let me out! Please! I-I’ll do anything! I’ll stop talking to Gerard, just let me out!” I shout. No, the part about not speaking to Gerard isn’t true, but if it’ll get me out, I’ll say anything. There’s no response from him. I slam my fists against the door like I’ve done almost one million times by now. Still nothing from Dad. Tears fill my eyes, which is very normal recently. I’m actually surprised that there’s still enough water in my body to produce tears. 

What if I don’t get out? What if I die here? Who would tell Gerard? I regret ever telling my father about my love for Gerard. I wouldn't be in this situation, I would be at school, and I’d be with Gerard, safe in his arms. I’m sure Gerard hates me now, I mean, I just left without warning. He’s probably mad at me, I don’t blame him. I hope Bert isn’t giving him any shit. I know that Gerard doesn't really stand up for himself all that well. If Bert picks on him, he sort of just lets it happen. His brother doesn’t do anything to help, as far as I know, I’m the only one that does do something. If I’m not there, who’s protecting him?

I pound my fists against the door a few more times shouting, "Let. Me. Go!" There's still no sign of my dad and it's really starting to piss me off. What right does he have to keep me locked up in this place? Sure, he's my dad, but that doesn't mean that it's okay to do this! I wont let him get away with this, it's abuse. I slam my fists against the door for what feels like a million times. One final blow and the door gets a large hole, one large enough to fit my hand through. With that hand, I push it out of the hole, grabbing the door handle from the outside. Thankfully, the door doesn't need a key to unlock it, just a button. With my forefinger, I push the button, unlocking the door and freeing myself.

The door flies open and I'm free. I find my way out of the house, thankfully not alerting my dad. I walk out the front door, cold night air hitting me, a relief from the stuffy closet I spent so much time in. I sprint down the sidewalk for only a couple of feet before I freeze in my tracks, realizing that I had no idea where I was really going. I don't know my way around this town, even after most of my life, I didn't know the other ones. Chances are I'd get lost. I stand still in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to decide what to do. I can't go back home, I wont. But where do I go? I have no idea where Gerard lives, no idea how I'd even get there, and I don't know anyone else. I'm terrified about being alone and homeless, even if it's just for one night. And my dad, he'll find me, I know he will. When he does, what'll happen to me? He'll be mad, pissed and I know that I'll be punished. Severely.

"Frank?" someone says? My muscles tense and I look around. I know it's not my dad, but who is it? "Iero is that you?" they ask again. I open my mouth, stuttering a couple vowels, hearing someone walking toward me. "It's me, Ray Toro, we've been in a couple classes together, do you remember me?" He asks. I do remember Ray a little bit. I nod slightly, still unnerved. "Good um... what are you doing? It's late, are you okay?" He asks. Could he be the thing that I need right now? "I-I'm fine. But do you... know where Gerard Way lives?" I ask, doubting that he really would know. I rub my arms, waiting for his answer. "Mikey Way's brother? Yeah, I know where they live, I have been there a couple of times before, do you want me to take you there? It's a bit too far away to walk," he says. Thank god for this man.

He takes me to their house as he rambles on and on about how he used to be friends with Mikey, but they don't talk much anymore. Based on what he's saying, he knows more about Mikey that Gerard does. His one-sided conversation seems to drag on and on, but we're finally coming to a stop. "Okay Frank, this is it, good luck!" He says. I thank him and get out. I carefully approach the door, my nervousness rising. Will Gerard even want to see me anymore? Maybe I just need to explain myself, he'll understand, right? I lightly knock on the door, worried that no one will answer. Ray has driven away, so there's no turning back and going home now. I don't know what time it is, they might be asleep. I knock again, this time louder. The door opens, but they don't speak right away. "Uh... is Gerard there?" I ask. It's silent for a moment and I'm starting to worry that I went to the wrong house. "Yeah, sure, come inside, I'll go get him," they say, it's Mikey. I take a large sigh of relief and walk inside. Fingers crossed Gerard will still talk to me.


	5. Chapter Five

-Gerard's POV-

I'm woken up at around midnight by a knocking on my bedroom door. I open it to find Mikey standing there. He's got a blanket wrapped around him, his hair a tangled, nest-looking mass, and his glasses hang on the bridge of his nose. "What is it, Mikey?" I ask. I can tell he's not all with it right now, the swaying is a dead giveaway. "Um... Frank is downstairs, I don't know why, but he is. I'm going to bed," he mumbles. Frank's here? I bolt past my little brother, running down the stairs. I stop at the bottom, staring at Frank. I don't even know what to do. Why is he here? To yell at me, maybe even beat me like Bert does? I see him sitting on the couch, and my stomach jumps just by looking at him. Despite what he's going to say or do, I'm still so glad to see him again.

I walked to the couch, keeping quiet still. By only looking at his face, I can't tell what's about to happen. "Frank?" I say. Frank jumps and gasps. "Oh my gosh! Gerard, is that you?" He asks. I sit down beside him and clear my throat. "Yeah, it's me," I tell him. He smiles and reaches toward me, hugging me. "Oh Gerard, I'm so glad it's you! I missed you!" He says. I'm so relieved to hear that. I hug him back quickly. "Well, are you okay? Where have you been?" I ask. He retracts a bit and that's when I start to notice the bruises and I'm instantly nervous. My mind instantly blames Bert and I become defensive. "Well um... it was... my dad. H-he really didn't take me coming out too well," he says. It takes only a moment to process this, but once I do, my defense turns into rage.

"Frank, your dad did this to you?! He can't do that! You need to tell the police! Babe, what exactly did he do to you?!" I ask. Frank frowns, tears in his eyes. “W-well um, he beat me up a-a little, and he locked me in a closet. That was on um… Saturday. I just got out today, I’m pretty sure he forgot about me,” he says, his voice shaking. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Frankie no, you can’t go back to him! He’s not safe; I don’t want you getting hurt! Please consider telling someone about this,” I say. Frank shrugs, looking down. “I just don’t know, I mean, I’m used to it,” he tells me.

This news is everything that I don’t want to hear. “You shouldn’t be used to that stuff Frank! Fucking hell, you father is supposed to love and care for you, not beat the shit out of you! Baby, you have to do something about this,” I say. Frank blinks, then breaks out into sobs. He lays into me, crying uncontrollably. “I-I know that he’s not safe, but if I leave him, wh-who else do I have?!” He cries. I hold him close to me, rubbing his back soothingly. I don’t know what to say, quite honestly, I’ve never been on for good advice. Frank clutches to me, sobs wetting my shoulder. Footsteps from the stairs alert me. I think that it might be Mikey, but I’m quickly corrected when I see my tired looking mother at the stairway.

“Gerard Arthur Way, what are you doi- Who is that?” She says. Frank sits up, wiping his eyes and searching the room. “This is my friend, Frank Iero. I-I’ve told you about him before,” I say. She raises an eyebrow, then nods in remembrance. “Okay, but why is he here so late at night? And is he crying? What’s going on?” She asks. Frank bites his lip, looking around nervously. I glance at him, unsure of what to say to her question. “I’m okay Ms. Way, I promise,” Frank says. I look at him in shock. Clearly he isn’t okay, anyone could tell. My mom walks towards us, grabbing his face in her hands. “Now Frank, I know that’s a lie and I also know how much you mean to my sun. If you mean a lot to him, you mean a lot to me. Gerard doesn’t always have someone to go to, so I’m happy he has you. That means that you’re happiness is important as well. Now tell me what’s wrong,” she says.

Frank stutters about, finding what to say. He tears up again. Then he tells her everything that he told me, going into great detail that makes me want to cringe. That man, that terrible man, hit a defenseless kid, it makes me so angry, it makes me want to scream By the time Frank finishes, we’re all in tears. “Oh Frank, I’m so sorry sweetheart. If I can do anything to help you, you just let me know,” my mom says. I can’t help but say something about this. “Mom, we do need to do something, he can’t go home! Not with that man there. Please let him stay with us, just for a little while,” I say quickly. They both turn to me, staring as if I’m crazy. “G-Gerard, I could never do that!” Frank replies faster than I did. I look back and forth from him and Mom. I can’t let him go back there, that’s the one thing I could never do. “Frank, you can stay, it would be a bother as long as you’re safe.” Mom says.

I watch as Frank thinks it through, he’s crying again and I wish I could make it stop. He whimpers softly and makes shifting movements. “U-um, I um… I-I just, ah… okay? I-I’ll stay, but please, I don’t want to be a burden, s-so don’t hesitate to tell me if I ever have to leave,” he says. I sigh in relief and take Frank’s hand. Frank leans into me, resting his head on my shoulder. “Don’t you worry Frank, we’ll take good care of you. And if your father ever finds out that you’re here, leave that to me,” Mom says. Frank nods, shutting his eyes lightly. He’s worn out, exhausted, he definitely needs sleep. “Thank you so much…” he whispers. As soon as the words escape him, he’s asleep. Mom smiles at me, petting my hair. “You’ve done a good thing Gee, you’re a good boy,” she says. I pick up Frank and I carry him to the spare bedroom. I’d lay him in my bed, but he might not like that. I kiss him goodnight and I got to my room where I can sleep a little more peacefully.

 

The next morning, thankfully, school’s canceled for the day due to a shit ton of snow. I’m not one who really likes snow, but this time, I couldn’t be more grateful for that crap. Now I can focus on Frank and Mikey. Frank is still asleep, so it’s just me and Mikey at the breakfast table. He drinks his coffee quietly, his gaze distant. From the bags under his eyes, I know he couldn’t have slept much. “Mikey, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I ask, breaking the dreadful silence. He glances up at me, shrugging. “Nothing is going on, I’m fine,” he says. I rub my eyes and shake my head. “It’s too bad you’re a shitty liar, Mikey, I would have believed you otherwise,” I tell him. He looks into his mug, glaring. He can’t hold it back much longer, I can tell. I reach over and grab his shoulder. “You can tell me anything Mikey, it’s nothing I can’t handle,” I say. He shakes his head, pushing my hand away as he stands up. “It’s just not any of your business,” he snaps.

I watch him dump the coffee in the sink and storm up the stairs. Whatever’s wrong, it must be serious; he normally gets a lot angrier with me, normally involving violence. I rest my chin my hands, sighing in defeat. “Gerard?” A voice asks quietly. I turn to see Frank standing in the doorway. “Hey Frankie! Did you sleep okay?” I ask. He nods and I can see that he’s hesitant to move any closer. “Well come over here, sit with me,” I suggest. He bites his lip and shrugs. He takes a tentative step forward, then another, moving very slowly. I stand up and go to him, grabbing his hand and leading him to the table. “Thank you,” he mumbles. I press a kiss to his cheek in response.

“I-I’m not very used to your house… I tripped a couple of times getting over here,” he says, rubbing his neck. I wrap an arm around him, kissing his head on which I find a blooming red bump, where I assume he hit when he fell. “Do you need an ice pack?” I ask. He shakes his head, laughing timidly. “No, I’m okay,” he replies. I nod and sit next to him. “Well… do you want anything? When was the last time you ate?” I ask, sort of afraid of what he’ll say. He looks around and says, “Well… I haven’t eaten since the day I was put in the closet…” I gasp and jump to my feet. “Oh my gosh! Honey that was too long ago! What do you want?!” I say. He shrugs and asks, “Do you have toast?” I grab the bread from the cupboard. “Do you want some coffee too Frank?” I ask. He smiles and nods. “Yeah, thank you,” he says.

Once the toast and coffee are set in front of me and found by his hands, he asks me, “What’s going to happen to me now?” I think hard about this, but I can’t find a solution. “I don’t really know, Frank. For now though, let’s just try to relax, let it leave your mind for a while. You’ve been through enough,” I say. He nods and leans in. “Help me forget?” He asks with a growing grin. I gladly agree and cup his chin, connecting our mouths together. As we get closer together and our tongues wrestle for dominance, it’s rudely interrupted. “Ew, stop!” Mikey says. We pull apart and Frank tilts his head down as his cheeks turn red in embarrassment. “What do you want, Mikey?” I ask, slightly agitated. He rolls his eyes. “I’m going to Ray’s, I’ll be back later,” he says. Now that’s odd. “Why? I thought you hated Ray after he came out to you as bisexual?” I said.

“It’s not of your business Gerard! Gosh! I’m just going, okay?!” He snaps. He leaves, slamming the front door behind him. I sigh and turn to Frank. “I’m sorry about that,” I say. Frank looks up and shakes his head. “It’s okay. Why is he so mean to you though?” He asks. I rest my chin in my hands. “He’s homophobic, I’m really gay. He’s got tons of friends, I’m a loser. He’s considered attractive, I’m… me. Need I say more? We’re just too different,” I say. Frank scoffs and sits up. “So what? You’re still his brother and he should love you anyway,” Frank says. I nod slowly. “I know and you’re right. I think he does love me, he just doesn’t want to let it show. I don’t know, I might be wrong,” I say. Frank grabs my hand in leans in. “You just need to show Mikey that you love him no matter what. Maybe then he’ll realize what he’s doing and he’ll show it back,” he suggests. He might be onto something.

 

-Mikey’s POV-

How long do I have to keep lying to him? It’s not fair. He’s done nothing wrong, he doesn’t deserve this torment. But that’s why I have to do this, isn’t it? To keep him from getting hurt? Maybe I should just tell Gerard what’s happening. But of course, I can’t do that. He’ll say something and it’ll go back to how things used to be. This would all have been done for nothing. I’m at a crossroads now. I could easily tell Gerard because he should know, or I could continue to protect him and not tell him. If I don’t’ tell, I keep this going for who knows how long; but if I do tell him, then he gets hurt. I hate this, it’s hell, this is not the life that I wanted. I’m living in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from.

I pull into Bert McCracken’s driveway, as I have for the past week. He’s looking through the blinds with a grin that makes my stomach churn. On shaking knees, I walk to the door and he’s already there. “Come inside Mikey, this’ll be fun,” he says. I shudder and follow him to his bedroom. “B-Bert, do we really have to do this?” I rasp out. Bert turns to me with a clenched jaw. “What did you just say?” He spits. I cower away, repeating myself, “Do we really have to do this? Can I do anything else?” Bert breathes in sharply. Forcefully, he slammed his body into mine, pinning me against the wall. “You said that you’d do whatever it took, whatever I wanted, to protect you faggot brother from me. So when I say jump, you jump and you don’t question me, got it?!” He shouts.

He leans in, tightening his fists and slams them into me. I try to curl over, but he keeps me straightened up. “Don’t try to protect yourself from me, Way!” He screams. I hold my breath and try to take his blows. Now I understand what happens to Gerard, more of a reason to protect him from it. Soon, Bert is finished beating me and my body has gone numb. “So how about you let me do what you came here for?” He hisses. I don’t want to, but what other choice do I have? I’m too weak to protest anyway. Bert throws me onto his bead and laughs. “Now, I don’t want to do all of the work this time. You’d better pick up your end of the stick too,” he says, leaning close to my face. His breath smells like alcohol.

He presses his mouth to mine harshly, his teeth clicking against mine. I don’t’ want to kiss him, I really don’t. I want to push him away, but he’s got both of my wrists held with one of his hands, and my jaw held in place with the other. He finally pulls away, but only to get on top of me, straddling my thighs, he continues to kiss me. I whimper and squirm to try to get him off. He stops, then slaps me hard across the face. “You let me do what I want and you will not stop it, understand?!” He snaps, slapping me another time. I hold my breath again and squeeze my eyes shut. ‘just go somewhere else in your mind! Ignore it!’ I think to myself. Bert’s hands slide across my body, touching me in places that even I haven’t dared to touch. I’m scared and I want it to go away, but I have to remind myself why I’m doing this, who I’m doing this for. I’m doing this for Gerard, I’m keeping him safe.

After hours of Bert doing what he wanted, he shoves me off the bed. I land on the floor, getting the air knocked out of me. “C-can I go home?” I ask quietly. Bert stares at me, then glares. “Hell no, I’ll need you later,” he says. I hate him, he’s a disgusting bastard and I really really hate him. I lay my head on the floor, tears in my eyes. How much longer until enough is enough? When can I go home? How much longer until I break? How much longer can I lie to Gerard? They’re questions that won’t be answered. Is this how my life will be for who knows how long? I could be months, years, possibly the rest of my life.

It’s not long until he wants me again. “Mikey, get up,” he orders. I rise to my feet and turn to him. I know better than to say anything, he’ll talk when he’s ready. “Come here,” he says. I do as he tells me to. “I want to fuck you, you’re going to let me,” he tells me. My stomach twists. We haven’t had sex yet, I didn’t think we would at all. It’s only been blowjobs, handjobs or passionate kissing. We’ve never had sex. “Did you hear me, or are you just stupid?!” He yells. I tense up and nod, “Yes, I heard you… but a-are you sure?” I say. Bad mistake. Bert grinned and stood to face me. “Yes I’m sure, now shut up. You don’t have a say in this anyway!” ye says. He grabs my shoulders and shoves me down with both hands, hard. He flips me over and Bert whispers, “I’d tell you that this will be over before you know it, but why bother lying?”

He was right, it felt like an eternity. A long, painful eternity. He said it was supposed to hurt, that pain was normal. Okay, maybe some of it was supposed to hurt, but he was beating me to go along with it, and that was just unnecessary. It hurts and I ache all over. I want to go home. Bert throws me to the ground again. “Please let me leave,” I mumble. Bert gives me a once over and shrugs. “Fine, but you’ll come back tomorrow, got it?” He says. I nod frantically and I hurry to clothe myself. I honestly don’t remember my clothes ever coming off in the first place. Bert demands a kiss and I have to give it to him, but he turns it into a hickey on my waist. Finally, I’m out the front door and going home.

It wasn’t until I actually get home and I’m in the shower that I realize what happened. I gave him my body. He took something from me that I’m not getting back. When it hits me, I fall to my knees. I just lost my virginity to a man that I don’t even love, to a man who hates me. I gave up the only thing that I had to hold onto, that I had control over. Now when I meet the person that I’ll fall in love with, I’ll have to tell them what happened. But it’s not my fault, not really. He forced me into it, it’s his fault. But… I didn’t say no. I could have and I didn’t, so does it make it my fault too? I’m a terrible person aren’t I? What if he makes me do it again? I can’t do it again! But if I don’t, Gerard will have to pay for it. I don’t want him getting hurt again. I have to let Bert have his way with me. I don’t have a choice.

I sit in the shower until the water turns ice cold and long past that. Finally, I step out, getting dressed again, this time in an oversized shirt and sweatpants. It’s 10 PM now, everyone’s asleep. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I sneak down the halls and stop in front of Gerard’s room. I quietly push the door open and step inside. He’s fast asleep and thankfully, Frank isn’t there. I shut the door silently and walk to him. He looks peaceful when he sleeps, you could hardly tell the shit he’s gone through. I craw into bed with him, my body pressed to his and my head tucked in his arm. He’s so warm. I feel him shift and I know I have woken him up.

“Frank? Is that you?” He mumbles. The sound of his voice brings tears to my eyes. I look up and he stares at me. When our eyes meet, I break down into tears. He has no idea what has been happening, he doesn’t know what I’ve been doing for him. “Mikey? W-what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asks groggily. I wrap my arms tightly around him. He holds me close, his embrace making me feel the safest I’ve ever felt in a long time and it makes me sob louder. “Mikey, what is going on with you? What’s happening?” He asks. I pres my ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. There’s something so comforting about my big brother’s heartbeat. He repeats his question, “What’s wrong with you, Mikey? You’re scaring me!” I look into his hazel eyes, clouded in tiredness, confusion, and panic. I can’t tell him, he can’t know.

I lay with him for a while and eventually, Gerard stops asking me questions. My eyelids turn to lead and my body feels like concrete. I lift my head up to face him and force my eyes open. “Gee?” I whisper. He looks at me and says, “Yeah, Mikey?” I close my eyes and cuddle into him. “Will you sing to me? I love when you sing,” I say. Gerard laughs softly and brushes hair out of my face. “Of course I will, I love you so much,” he whispers back. I hum out a sigh, I love his singing so much, it’s beautiful. He has so much talent in his voice. I smile as he starts to sing softly. Slowly but surely, sleep comes over me like a big warm blanket.


	6. Chapter Six

-Gerard's POV- 

I wake up the next morning with a body pressed to min. I don’t know what happened last night, not exactly. I look to the person beside me and see that it’s my little brother, it all comes back to me. He cried a lot last night, and I know that I did too. I reach out to stroke his hair, but his eyes fly open. I jerk my hand back. Mikey sits up and looks around, as if he also forgot the other night. He frowns and I think he remembers. "Mikey?" I say. His face turns pale and he runs out of the room. I'm so worried about him, he never acted this way any time before. I have to know what's going on.

I crawl out of bed and slowly walk down to the living room where I find him sprawled out on the couch. "Hey," I say softly. He bolts upright and stares at me with wide eyes. I walk toward him and say softly, "what's wrong?" He hsakes his head and sits back, I sit beside him. "No isn't an answer anymore, and nothing isn't either. I know something's wrong, tell me what it is," I say. He swallows and looks down. It looks like he's about to cry. I hate seeing him cry so much. I rest my hand on his shoulder and kiss his head. "I promise Mikey, I'll do whatever I can to help you, but I can't unless you let me," I say.

Mikey shakes his head again and turns away from me. "I-I wont let you. I am not going to tell you. I can handle myself," he tells me. He's not going to break, is he? I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off. "Just leave it alone, okay?! I don't want to talk about it!" He snaps. I flinch and frown at him. "I'm sorry..." I say. He says nothing, only walks away. He can't keep this going for much longer. I can remember when we told each other everything, but that was a long time ago. I wish htings could be like that again, but it's a lost hope. He just means so much to me, I can't lose him like this. Whatever is hurting him, it needs to stop before it's too late.

Mikey comes back, now dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "I"m going back to Ray's," he informs me. As he reaches for the doorknob, I see them. Finger-like buises litter his arms. They weren't there when he left yesterday. "Hold it!" I say. He stop sand sighs. I walk to him and take a hold of his hands. I see it in his eyes that he was hoping I wouldn't see them. "Where did these come from?" I ask. He yanks his arm away from me. "I tripped at Ray's house, I fell down the stairs," he says. Total bullshit. I hold them tighter, but not nearly enough to hurt him, I take a closer look. There's no mistaking that these were from a person grabbing his arm too hard. I get them from Bert often. "No Mikey, I want the trught, who did this? You've been going to Ray's house, is he doing it?" I press.

He looks at me nervously. "N-no, it's not Ray," he whispers. I thought so, Ray's the kind of person to keep other people from stepping on anthills. "Then who the hell is doing it?! Are you eveng going to Ray's?" I say, raising my vioce. He tears his arms away from my grasp and bolts out the door, sprinting to his car. "Mikey, wait! Talk to me!" I call. He drives away, tires screeching. I didn't mean to yell at h im, but now that I know he's getting hurt, I have to know who's doing it. Nobody hurts Mikey Way without me getting involved. My mind jumps back to a little bit before I met Frank. Mikey had gotten roughed up by Bert and his gan back then. But that can't be what's happening now. Mikey is not stupid enough to volunarilly go to them, right?

"Gerard?" Someone says, pulling me from my thoughts. I spin around and Frank is slowly making his way down the stairs. "What's going on down here? I heard you yelling," he says. Oh man. "Did I wake you up baby?" I ask, heading to him. I grab his arm and help him down the stairs. "Well, yeah, but that's okay. I just wanna know what's going on? Are you okay?" He asks. We sit on the couch and I take a good look at him. His hair is messy and he's got lines on his face from where the pillowcase was. It takes all I've got not to go "aawwww", it's not hte right time for that righ tnow. But he's just so cute when he's sleepy looking. 

"Yeah, I'm okay. I was just talking to Mikey and things got a little heated," I explain. Frank nods again and grimaces. "I'm sorry about that..." he says. I lean in and press a little kiss to his lips. "It's okay, you shouldn't worry about it, that's my job," I tell him. Frank sighs and lays his head on my shoulder. "You guys shouldn't fight, you could be really close if you both tried," he says. I know that he's right and I do try, but it can't be one-sided. Mikey would have to want it too, and I don't think he does. But I don't blame him, I'd be mad too, if I had me as a brother. I'm everything nobody wants in a person. 

I force a smile onto my face for Frank, even though I know he can't see it, and I hold his hands in mine. "But on a happier note, guess what?" I say. Frank raises an eyebrow. "What?" He asks. I lean in and kiss his jaw. "We have the house to ourselves again, so I just thought that maybe..." I trail off when I see him smile, there's nothing more to say. Frank grin grows wider as he sits closer to me. "Oh? Well why not?" He says. I chuckle softly and pull him in closer. He giggles as I pepper his face and neck with kisses. Frankie is so perfect, I'm lucky to have him. 

Finally, our lips meet. Every time we kiss, my stomach jumps and my heart flutters. Frank's lips are soft and warm, they're so perfect. I love kissing them. Frank wraps his arms around me and deepens our kiss. I can feel him smile underneath my lips, his cheeks warming. I place my hands on his face and snake my tongue across his lower lip. frank grins and gets the hint, opening his mouth and allowing me to explore the insides of his mouth. I slip my tongue in and he lets out a small moan. His hands slide across my back, his nails dragging lightly. Our tongues hug and caress each other, curling around each other in some sort of dance. Frank's legs wrap around my waist, his hips softly grinding.

And as soon as things escalate, we're brought to a sudden halt when there's a knock at the door. We peel away from each other, regathering ourselves. I help Frank straighten out his clothes and smooth his hair, all the while the knocking getting louder. I rush to the door and instantly wish I hadn't. Frank's father stare at me with evil eyes. "Where the hell is my son?" He spit. My gut churns and I want to slam the door and lock it in his face, but I'm frozen with fear. "Are you fucking listening? Where is Frank?!" He shouts. Before I can say or do anything, he's got his hands wrapped tightly around my neck, I can't breathe. "Listen here you fatass, you're going to hand over my sun, right now. Do you understand me?!" He screams.

He throws me to the ground and as I swallow gulps of air, he kicks me hard in the gut, knocking the air right back out. He storms past me and I try to grab his leg to keep him back. "Frank, you sonofabitch, get your ass over here now!" He screamed. in the distance, I can hear Frank crying. I get up to my feet and stumble down the hall, that man is much stronger than Bert. Before I'm even halfway there, Frank is screaming, he's begging to be let go. The sound of a hand slapping his face is enough to make me run the rest of the way to the living room. Frank has a wrist grasped tightly by his father's hand and a huge welting red hand print on his cheek. I hate seeing him cry, it breaks my heart. But not only that, it also makes me infuriated with the one that made him do it.

What do I do? If I try to get his dad off of him, I'd get beat, or worse, he'll hurt Frank. And I can't call the police because technically, we kidnapped him. I have no other options. Tears stream silently down my face as I charge toward him, pushing him over. Frank topples to the ground too, but he's okay, he crawls away and curls into a ball. The poor kid is scared to death. I turn my attention to Frank's dad, who instantly comes at me with white-knuckled fists. Chaos comes through, the sound of angry grunts from Frank's dad as he beats me, cries of pain from me, and terrified sobs from Frank across teh room. This must be what Hell is like: the never ending pain and knowing that the people you love are scared and you can't do a thing about it.

Soon enough, I'm not fighting him off anymore, I'm fighting just to stay awake. Frank is still crying, I think. I can't tell what's exactly going on. It might be him, but it could also be me. I don't know. The pain ins as noticable anymore, my body is pretty much used to it now. He should be done soon. I hear Frank say something, but I can't hear it. But whatever he said, it's enough to get his dad to stop. I lay limp for a moment, then sit up. Then the world is silent. I look back and forth at the two, the quietness becoming unbearable. "F-Frank?" I mutter. He looks down, sadness in his eyes.

"So you'll do what I say?" Frank's father asks. What the hell does that mean? Frank nods frantically and his tears fall faster. "That's what I thought," his father sneers. Frank sobs a little when his dad grabs his arm. He starts to pull Frank away. "W-wait, what's going on?!" I say, panicking. His father smiles and turns to me. "I'm taking him back home. You lose Gerard. I always win." He says. My heart sinks. Frank can't go back there! His father could easily kill him with no problem. He can't go home!

I watch with blurry vision as Frank is tugged away from me. There's nothing I can do now, Im defenseless and weak. His father was right, I lost. I follow them out the door, studying Frank's face. I don't know when I'll see him next, so I'm trying to get one last look. Though this is not the way I want to remember him. His face is red and tear stained, his grey eyes are clouded with fear and the handprint on his face is bleeding. He gets shoved into the car and I shout, "Frankie, I'll get you back, I promise!" From inside the window, I see him start to cry more, I don't know if he heard me.

Once I'm inside, I break down into my own fit of sobs. I'm a pathetic waste of a person. I just let Frank get taken away. I should have fought for him but I didn't. I reach for my phone and call my mom right away. "Hello? Gerard?" Her voice makes me choke up. How do I tell her? "M-Mom? I-I... I... Frank, and he..." I can't seem to speak at all past my sobs. "Gerard, just calm down, take deep breaths baby, then tell me what happened," she says. I breath in and out slowly over and over again. Finally I say, "Fr-Frank's dad, he found him... t-took him back. I-I should have tried harder to keep him. Mom, Frank isn't safe right now!"

The line is quiet and it's giving me anxiety. Come on Mom, say something. "Okay, I'm on my way home. Just try to relax. Frank's dad... he didn't hurt you, did he?" She asks. I hold back a sob and rub my eyes. "Y-Yeah, but I'm fine, I promise," I say. She sighs and I can tell she's upset. "Alright... I'll be there soon okay baby? I love you." She says. I laugh sadly and say, "I love you too." I hang up and put the phone down on the couch and cover my face with my hands. I let Frank down. I told him we would keep him safe and I failed him. 

Nothing is right with my life anymore. Frank is back in the home of a mad man when I could have done something about it. Mikey is falling apart and he's not letting me help, I don't even know what's happening. I have duties as a brother and as a boyfriend to keep those two safe and happy. But how can I do that when I'm so pathetic? Frank can't probably trust me anymore, and Mikey has made it obvious that he hates me. My life is crumbling and I can't take it anymore. This has to stop.

I make my way to my bedroom and I'm pounded with memories. The day Frank played guitar for me, that was the day we fell in love. It hurts to think that if I just hadn't fallen for him, that he'd be safe now. And I remember years ago, Mikey would sneak in to this room late at night and we'd read comic books together after we were told to go to bed. I'm pretty sure that whatever I did to make him hate me could have been avoided if I wasn't so stupid. Or maybe if I had just kept my distance from him, no one would have known we were related and he wouldn't get picked on, just me. Everything that's happening to them right now is happening because of me. It's all my fault.

I sit on my bed and cry silently. I reach under my pillow, where I keep my razors. I grab one in my hand and stare at it. If I die now, would it free Frank and Mikey? Will they be able to live a happier life without me around? I roll up my sleeve and stare at my arm now. My old scars are a faded pinkish color, the newer ones are a bright but pale pink. They don't hurt, but sometimes I wish that they would. I go to the door and lock it just in case Mom comes home. I sit on my bed and stare at the small piece of metal in my hand. Dried flecks of blood are sprinkled on it. It gives me memories of the times that I have felt lower than dirt, like right now.

I press the cool metal to my pasty skin and slide it across. Red liquid blooms from it, like a rose against snow. I do it again and again until my skin is covered. I want it to hurt, I need it to hurt. I want it to make me scream and cry, because I deserve the pain. But instead, it's only like I'm watching it happen, not actually doing it. So I push the blade in deeper, pulling it down my wrist. Blood pours out, but I still don't feel it. I go even deeper, still nothing. I scream in frustration and throw the razor across the room. I fucking quit.

I look at my arm, blood spewing out of my wounds. Why the fuck wont it hurt?! I open my mouth to scream again, but there's a knock at the door. It's Mom. "Gerard, come out now. Let's deal with this," she says. I panic. There's no way I can go out there bleeding this much, she'll freak out. I just have to wait until the bloodflow slows. "Can I have a few minutes Mom?" I say back. Please say yes, please. I don't want you seeing me like this. 

I grab and old t-shirt and start to soak up the blood. "Well don't you want to have Frank back as soon as possible?" Mom asks. I frown and clean it up faster. "Yes, but... I need to calm down, I'm way too stressed out right now," I say. And it's practically true, my heart is still pounding, my mind still spinning, though the reason for that is probably fromt he cutting too. "Do you want to talk about it? Gerard, can I come in? I've got this bad feeling in my gut righ tnow, please let me in baby," she says. I bite down on my lip and I clean up the rest of the blood. My arm is numb and it'll probably bleed some more, but nothing too bad. But the blood stains on my sheets and carpet will have to be bleached before I let her in my room.

I pull my sleeve down, the fabric slightly irritating the cuts on my skin. I slip through the door and shut it right up behind me. "I-I'm okay now, let's get Frank back," I say. Mom looks at my skeptically. "Honey, I don't understand you," she says. At any other time, Mom would have tried to pry all the answers out of me; thankfully she's got no time for that, she's too focused on Frank. Mom grabs her phone. "Should we call his father?" She asks. I shake my head instantly. "No! That would put him ahead of the game, we need to do this without letting him know," I say.

She stares at her phone and then asks, "Well should we call the police?" I sigh and shrug. "Mom, I have no idea! I've never been in this situation before. I-I called you because I thought you would know..." I say. I kind of feel bad for putting all of this pressure on her. She works so much and has so much to do. I should have expected her to know what to do now. She smiles softly and kisses my head. "I understand, sweetie. This has go to be so hard for you. Alright, I'll call the police and you just sit down and calm down, okay baby?" She says. I hug her tight, god I love this woman.

I curl up into a ball on the couch and take deep breaths. Mom walks into the other room, but I can still hear her say, "Hello, I'm afraid to have to say that my son's boyfriend is being horribly abused by his father..." I dont' know how she can stay so calm in this pressure. At what she said, I start to cry. My Frankie, my poor Frankie si putting up with this life. I want him back under this roof, where he can be safe and loved, I want that more than anything. I listen to Mom explain what's been haping to Frank and I switch my thoughts to Mikey in hopes to distract myself. I wonder where he is right now, if he's doing okay?

I take my phone out and dial in his number. Will he even pick up? As the phone rings, my worries grow. What if he's getting hurt right now too? What if he's putting up with the same treatment as Frank? I know for a fact athat the bruises on his wrists were from a person, but who? I wont give up on him, even if he wants me to, it will not happn. He's my baby brother, I need him whether he likes it or not. He doens't answer his phone. I let it drop to the ground as my tears flow faster. Should I tell Mom what's happening to him? She's probably extremely stressed as it is, but this is about her son, she'd want to know... right?

Mom comes back a moment later with a tired smile on her face. "I explained everything. They said they'll look into it. Frank is gonna be okay honey," she says. Would she be this calm if I told her about Mikey? She pets my hair and takes my hand. I love how she always knows what to do to make me calm down. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. I'm gonna tell her about Mikey. "Mom?" I say quitely. She pulls me in closer. "Yes baby?" She asks. No, I can't tell her, she'd be so broken. I have to say something else. "What's gonna happen to Frank? W-will he be taken into a different home? I-I don't want him to be taken away," I say. She pets my hair again as she says, "I don't know Gerard, I really don't. I'm sorry."

Mom tries to get my mind off of it by putting on a movie. But I can't focus on the TV, not when the two people I love most are out there hurting. The cops said to her that we should leave it all to them. But I don't want to leave it to them. I want to be there if and when they bust Frank's dad. I want to be there to hold Frank in my arms and comfort him. I can't just leave it to them. It's like being stabbed over and over and the attacker just sais to not feel the pain. You can't just not feel the pain, that's nto a choice thing. So saying to leave it to them and being forced to do it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Hours later, as the sun starts to go down, the front door opens and Mikey walks in. Mom's asleep, but she'd go balistic if she saw him in this state. Torn clothes, stains that could either be blood or mud, and cuts and bruises all over. I'm in shock myself. Mikey looks at me as if I'm about to attack him. He must have assumed I'd be in bed. "Mikey... what. The hell. Happened?" I ask. He says nothing, he just runs up the stairs. He can't run from this. I follow him up and see that he's locked himself in the bathroom. I knock on the door softly. "Mikey, what happened to you?" I ask. He doesn't respond, he turns the shower on instead.

I sigh and lean on the door. This is enough. "Mikey, I can't handle this. Look, Frankie got taken away today, his dad took him away. And his dad... he treats him so badly, I know he's not safe there. And I know that you're getting hurt too. You need to tell me what's going on. I love you Mikey, I can't lose you... please, I'm begging you, let mbe back into your life. I'm sorry I ruined things before, I can try to make it up to you. Please Mikey..." I say. Tears are flooding from my eyes for what feels like the millinoth time today. I hear something on the other side of the door. It sounds like crying. He's close to the door now, the crying gets clearer. "I wont tell you Gee... I'm sorry, he says softly. I curl my hand into a fist and slam it into the door. 

"Dammit Mikey! Please! I hate knowing that you're hurting, just tell me whoj's doing it!" I sob. He punches the door right back. "I wont tell you! It's not of you fucking business. Just leave me the hell alone, I can handle myself!" He screams. "No Mikey, you can't hadle it. I know that you can't. No one can do that on their own," I say, lowering my voice so that I don't wake Mom. Mikey whimpers and leans against the door too. "How would you know?" He says sharply. I wince and I say, "I would know because I'm dealing with the same things and so much more than you could believe. I get bullied too Mikey. I used to think that I could do it alone, that I didn't need anyones help. I never knew how much I needed someone until I met Frank. Mikey please, let me be the one to help you."

The both of us are silent for what feels like a lifetime, but finally, he locks the door. I spin around and his arms are around me before I had a chance to look at him. He topples into me, nearly knocking me over. He sobs hystarically and all I can do right now is hug him. "Mikey, tell me what I can do, whatever it is, I'll do it," I say. He tightens his arms, squeezing me. "J-Just hold me, Gerard, please. That's all I n-need, I just need s-someone to hold me," he cries. I nod and lead him to my bedroom and sit him down on my bed. I wrap my arms around him and pull him close, his head on my chest. 

We sit together for a while, adn I simply let him cry. I don't know what's going on and it' skilling me inside not to, but I know that it's not the best time to pry right now. I slowly rock him from side to side, kissing his head and stroking his hair. "It'll be okay Mikey, I promise," I tell him. He shakes his head. "Y-you have n-no idea, Gerard. You don't understand, it'll ne-never be okay for me. Never..." he says quietly. He doens't know how much this breaks my heart. Tears slip down my cheeks now. All I want to do si to see him smile again. I haven't seen it on so long. He used to be so happy, I don't know what happened. For now, all I can do is hold him like he said and just let him relax. Peace will come soon enough. Not just for him, but for Frank too.

 

-Frank's POV- 

 

Lying on the ground, every little inch of me is burning in pain. My father is teaching me a lesson on running away from home and being spiteful of my authority. His lessons hurt, but never this bad. Today, he brought his drunken friends to watch, and some even joining in on his game. They whip my with their belts, smash their empty beer bottles on my head, and burn my skin with their cigarettes. It's painful, torturous, but I can tell that it wont end soon. They're too drunk to be human. It's so funny that the words human and human are so similar in spelling but are worlds apart in meaning. Humans are monsters, every single one of them are. They're so full of hate, full of rage.

All but Gerard and his family, they are the only ones that have shown me any kindness, even Mikey. Thought Mikey hides his emotions well, that stone cold personality Gerard tells me that he has, it's a facade, I just know it. Somewhere underneath, he probably just wants to be close to his brother again. But Gerard, he's a person sent straight from Heaven. He doesn't hate anyone, not even the ones that have done him wrong. He says he hates Bert, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't really hate him. He's probably just hangry with him for being so awful to him. I think if Bert would turn around and be kind Gerard, taht they would actually be good friends.

I'm yanked from my thoughts as a hand yanks my hair, pulling my head up. "Had enough yet?" They say. It's my dad. Not only his his alcohol breath is foul, it's unmistakable. I nod and he throws my head back down and sends it smakcing against the hard floor. His friends snicker and it's making me want to kill them. How dare they find humor in pain? "Well Frank, if you don't like it, maybe you should have thought of that before coming out of the closet. Both literally and metaphorically," he says coldly. See, I'm not like Gerard, I do have hatred inside of me, and right now, it's a burning fire towards my dad. i hate his man, I hate him so much. I want to kill him. 

They continue their 'game' and I dont' even give them the benefit of defeat by crying. I suck it up and take each blow withtout a tear. They go harder and harder with their attacks until there's a loud cracking sound from my back. One of them stomped on my back too hard. Oh my god the pain! It's like I"ve been set on fire. I scream in agony. "You fucking idiot! What do you think you were doing? I said nothing abad enough to hospitalize the faggot! Get out, all of you, get out!" My dad screams. They leave, but one kicked me in the head really hard, but it doesn't hurt, not nearly as bad as my back.

Blood rushes into my mouth from where I get kicked. Somewhere deep inside, I'm wishing that my dad will realize what he's been doing to me and he'll never do it again. But really, it's a lost hope. "D-Dad.. help me! Please Dad, I-I need help! DADDY!!!" I scream. I don't recognize my own voice, it's lower than normal, and also screachy from screaming. I hear him pacin aroudn, cussing profusely. The pain is getting worse. I can't take it. I'm screaming for help, but I'm not making much sense. Without thinking, I scream. "Gerard! Baby, save me!" Bad move. Dad kickes me in the mouth and my jaw breaks, I can feel it go limp. How much more of this can I take? "I don't ever want to hear that name come from you ever again!" Dad shouts.

I can't reply, there's no way to. I feel my body get weaker by the second. Dad forces my head up and barks, "Do you understand me?! Answer me!" I can't answer, I physically can't, my jaw isn't moving. "I said talk faggot!" He screams. Tears flow from my eyes. In my mind, I'm screaming at him, telling that I understand over and over again, but my voice isn't doing the same. Dad smacks me and my head his the floor. He needs to stop, my body aches and I can't take much more of this. "You stupid sonofabitch, you're so dumb. You're dumber than your fucking mother was," he spits. I huff out weezing breaths and give in. I just can't beat him, he always has the upper hand.

It's all over now, I can't win, all I can do is let go. I let my body fall limp, my back still burning and full of agonizing pain. I'm to worn to cry or scream anymore. I close my eyes and I think about Gerard. I think about his laugh, his voice, the way his hands held mine, how his lips felt against my own. I think about how much he loves, how much he loves Mikey, despite his brothers attempts to push him away. Gerard is beautiful at heart, absolutely gorgeous. And I'm sure that he's equally beautiful physically. I wish I could see, so that I could know how pretty he is. So that I can tell him that he looks beautiful and be able to know it for sure. He deserves to be told that he looks beautiful, since no one else will. 

The more I think about him, the faster my tears fall. Will he miss me if I die? What would he do? I cry silently as pain takes over. But I snap my head up at the sound of a knock at the door. It hurt doing so, but I don't really care. They knock louder and I hear Dad stumble to the door. Once it opens, I hear a low, rough voice say, "Sir, we got a call from a family saying you're abusing your child. Can I come in please?" I cry even more. That voice is the voice of an angel. I can be free from my father. I wish I could call out to the police man, if only my jaw worked.

"I'm sorry officer, there's been a misunderstanding. There's no abuse happening here, we're a very loving family," my dad says. That bastard! Now I really want to yell. Everything that comes out of his mouth is bullshit. I hope the cop can see that. "May I talk to your son then? Just to make usre the two of you are on the same page?" he asks. Please, please! "Oh, I'm sorry. Frankie is over at a friend's house right now," Dad lies. I'm so angry. He will not keep me here like this. I suck in a breath and open my mouth wide despite the pain and I scream as loud as I can. Footsteps sound, multiple people are now in the room. "Sir, you're coming with me," the cop says. And with that, my body quits, I pass out.

 

I open my eyes slowly and groan. The pain is gone, my mouth no longer tastes the blood. I'm ona soft mattress and I'm in what I think is a gown. Am I in a hospital? Tentatively, I reach my hand to touch an am. Sure enough, my arm has tubes connected to things. I touch my jaw, there's something holding it in place. My body is bandaged and clean, I'm definitely in a hospital. "Frank?" Someone says. I know that voice, that's the voice of my Gerard. I'd speak if I could. If I was able, I'd jump out of this bed and hug and kiss the hell out of him. Instead, I reach my hand out. He grabs it and kisses it repeatedly. "Oh my god Frankie, I'm so glad you're okay! Baby I was so scared I was gonna lose you!" He said. Gerard makes my heart melt, I'm so glad he's here.

There are more people in the room, I can tell. If it were just me and Gerard, He'd be talking much more, kissing me in more places than just my hand. Someone steps closer to the bed and takes my other hand. "Frank, are you feeling okay?" I recognize this voice as his mother. I wish I could talk to them, I wish I could hug them. Can I even sit up. I look around a bit and lay my head on Gerard's arm. "What... what happened to me?" I force myself to whisper, hardly opening my mouth at all. Gerard whimpers and presses a gentle kiss to my bandaged forehead. "Mom... can you tell him? I-I don't want to," he says sadly.

Well Frank, you took quite a bit of damage. you fractured your spine, broke your jaw, cracked a rib, and you have a minor concussion. You're very lucky to have survived, that spine fracture should have killed you," a voice says, it's not Gerard's mom. I look up and around, confused by the voice. "My name is Dr. Patel, you're going to be okay Frank," the woman says. I swallow hard and squeeze Gerard's hand, pulling him closer. He leans in and I whisper, "D-Did that ba-bastard get locked up?" Gerard strokes my cheek and says, "Yeah baby, he's in jail. Don't you worry about that, you're going to be okay now. You're safe." I let out a sigh of relief. He's gone. But I don't know exactly how I feel about it.

There were days that my dad was a good person. He would be sober and in a good mood. He treated me like a good person, not hating me because I was blind. Those were the days that made me think that he was a good dad. Those days didn't last nearly as long as they should have. But now that he's gone, even though I feel safer, I'm going to miss those days. They're never coming back. He'll never see me again, but I can't get hurt from him again either. I should be happy about this, but I'm having conflicting emotions. I'm going to miss him.

Dr. Patel explains things to me about my injuries. I can't sit up for a week, can't stand or walk for two weeks. My jaw has to stay in place for a month. "Does that mean that we don't get to kiss for a whole month?" Gerard asks after Dr. Patel leaves. It breaks his mom into giggles. If I could laugh, I would. Leave it to Gee to lighten the mood, he's so funny. I hear someone else walking around in the room. Gerard kisses my forehead and nose, I can actually feel that he's smiling. "I love you Frank," he says. I smile slightly and mumble, "I love you too." For once in my life, things are starting to look up.

But one big question still remains. "What's going to happen to me now?" I say. I hate this thing holding my jaw in place, I want to rip it off. I don't think I can last a whole fucking month with it on. Gerard holds my hand more securely. "Mama, can I talk to Frankie alone?" He asks. Well that doens't worry me at all. "Sure, Mikey and I will go out to the hall, for a little bit," she says. Eventually, the door opens and closes and Gerard starts sniffling. "Frank, I don't know where you'll go. They said you're more than likely going to have to go to a foster home. We asked if you could stay with us, but they said that the chances are that you can't. They'd have to go check with the court. But if you can't, it's the foster home," he explains.

Dear god, I don't want to go to a foster home. I don't want a new family, I want to stay with Gerard and his family, that would be perfect. "Babe, I don't believe in God much, but I'll be praying for you, praying that you can live with us, where you'll be safe, and that you heal fast," Gerard says. I let a tear slip past my eye and I squeeze his hand. I'm glad I have Gerard. I don't think anyone else would ever love me this much. If there is a God up there, he had better do what Gerard asks, he deserves that much.


	7. Chapter Seven

-Gerard's POV-

Frank is starting to get better, physically that is. His bruises may have head, cuts turned to scars, but he's still emotionally fucked. He's started to be woken up from nightmares about his father. I still think it's messed up that a person could be so cruel to their own child. He's a disgusting man, a no good monster. The only good to ever come from him is Frank. He deserves the very worst in prison. But Frank is safe now and we should put our focus on that. I need to be optimistic for Frank, despit what I actually feel. Frank needs me to be positive for him to keep him from thinking much about the past. Fortunately, things are beginning to fall into place, for Frank that is. But as for the rest of us, it's still one big work in progress.

As for me, my life is nothing like it used to be. I still have to go to school, my mom said so. Even though I'd much rather stay at the hospital with Frank. But even school isn't the same. Bert, he's acting so strange. He' snot antagonizing me, he's not even trying to. He'd pass me in the halls without so much as a glance. Well, it's not that I want him to bully me, it' sjust that I don't understand why he isn't. Maybe he's just had a change of heart. But then again, he's fucking Bert McCracken, he'll never change, not for the better. It doesn't make sense to me. I'm confused. Why is nothing normal anymore?

Today at lunch, I'm sitting at my usual table alone. And I"m just watching Bert, as if staring at him would figure out all of my questions. He looks angry, but that's nothing new. The part that's odd is how he actually looks... almost guilty in a way, like he's done something he shouldn't have. I'm curious to know what's making him that way. I watch him closely and try hard to concentrate. I'm so focused that I nearly jump out of my chair when someone touches my shoulder. I gasp loudly and spin around. It's Ray. "H-hey Gerard, mind if I... sit with you?" He asks. I open my mouth and stutter a bit. "I... I um, I guess so," I say. He smiles and takes a seat beside me. "Thanks, so how are you doing? Are you and Frank okay?" He asks. I raise an eyebrow and nod a little bit. "Yeah, fine, but why, not to be rude, but why exactly are you talking to me?" I ask.

Ray shifts a bit and laughs nervously. "Well... I just thought it would be nice to catch up with you. And I noticed that you were sitting along so I though I'd keep you company. How's Mikey by the way? I haven't talked to him in forever," he says. That grabs my attention. "How long exactly has it been since you guys last talked to each other?" I press. Ray looks at me funny, then chuckles. "For almost a hear, I guess," he says. No way, no fucking way. Ray doesn't lie, that means that Mikey has been, he's been sneaking around behind my back and using Ray as an excuse. "Ow wow, that has been a long time then," I say. Dammit, I'm so pissed at Mikey right now, it's not even funny. This is not okay, I'm definitely going to have to call him out on this. 

"I wish Mikey and I were still talking though, I really miss him, "Ray says. I turn around to look at my little brother. How long did he think he could keep this up? He should have known that the truth would come soon enough! I look back at Ray and smile. "Yeah, you were good for him," I say. Ray's looking at Mikey now too. I want to scream at my brother. I never thought he'd lie to me about who he's hanging out with. But then again, I'm afraid for him. If he's not with Ray when he says he is, who is he with? Who is so bad that he can't tell me that he's with them? "Gerard, do you think I should start talking to him again?" Ray asks. This comes to me as a bit of a shock. "I... I don't really have that say. That's between you and Mikey," I say. He nods, then smiles. "I guess that's a good point. I gotta go, bye Gerard, it was nice talking to you," he says. And as quick as he showed up, he's gone.

I sigh and look back at Bert's table. He's not there. I become alert and aware in case he's after me. As I'm scanning the lunch room, it catches my attention and it makes my stomach lurch. I've found him. He's talking ot my little brother. I don't know what he's saying, but I have a bad feeling about it. Is he who Mikey is hanging out with? Is he the one who's hurting him? I stand up quickly and slowly approach that table. The closer I get, the more I see the way Bert's talking to him. He looks sort of rude and pushy. I don't like it. I reach the table, Mikey sees me. The look in his eyes is unlike any kind I've seen in him before. I don't even know how to describe it. He just looks so empty. "Bert, get the hell away from my brother. Now," I spit. Right away, Bert starts laughing.

He spins around and smiles fakely. "Well hello Gerard, I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?" He asks. Like he actually cares? I clench my jaw and glare. "Just get away from Mikey," I say. I look at Mikey, he's glaring at me now. "Aww, really? We're having a nice conversation here and it's not polite to just walk away in the middle of it," Bert tells me. Mikey's friends are watching with wide eyes. I want to fucking scream. "I don't fucking care. I don't trust you being around him," I hiss. He's getting on my last nerve. "Well ouch that hurt Gerard, it really did. I can't believe that you don't trust me... and after all of those fun times that we've had together too," he says.

Before I can say anything back, the bell rings. I growl and turn around. Whatever Bert was saying to Mikey, I'm gonna know about it. Now that I'm pretty sure it's Bert who's hurting my brother, it's going to end. But I guess since I don't know for sure, I can't quite do much yet. I just have the worst gut feeling about it. Mikey can't be being hurt like this, it isn't fair. Sure, Mikey can be an asshole at times, but he's never done anything to deserve any sort of pain. Bert will pay, but if it isn't him, I'm not going to rest until that mutherfucking bastard is hunted down. I know that this is going to be one hell of a battle.

+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+

After school I drive right to the hospital to see Frank. I've missed him so much, today has been emotionally exhausting. I get to his room and let a smile ease my face when I see that he's asleep. He looks peaceful in hsi sleep, as if everything is at peace with him. But I know better than that, because when I get closer, I see his eyes moving around rapidly in his sleep. He's having a nightmare. I've always wondered if he could see anything in his sleep, while he would dream. It's an interesting thought. Though I can't think too much about it now, Frank starts to thrash and writhe from whatever is going on in his dream. I put my hands on his shoulders and gently shake him, saying, "Frankie, wake up honey! Wake up, it's okay!" Tears roll down his cheeks, causing some to spring up in my eyes.

"Frank! It's okay! Will you please just wake up?!" I say. I shake him a little faster and he sobs and wimpers, then mumbles, "D-Dad stop it, stop sha-shaking me!" I instantly let him go. I sit on the edge of the bed and take his hand. "Baby please wake up, it's just a nightmare. It's okay," I say loudly. Frank whimpers and shakes his head. He's crying more and it's breaking my heart. "Frank, baby, it's Gerard, wake up!" I say louder. His eyes shoot open and he gasps. "Gee? Oh my god!" He sobs loudly without really moving his jaw. I reach forward and cup his cheek. "It's okay, it's over now," I tell him.

Frank sits up and clutches the thin hospital blanket tightly in his fists. The look on his face says everything about his nightmare. He's terrified righ tnow. I'm not exactly certain about what he was dreming of, but of course I had my guesses. Whatever it really was, it must have been bad. "Frank... are you alright?" I ask softly. He frowns and pauses for a minuted. "Yeah, I'm okay now," he whispers. I kiss his temple and smile. "Good." I say. He nods and grabs my hand. "Hey Gee?" He says. I hold his hand back and say, "Yes baby?" He reaches up and tugs at the gear on his jaw. "When can I take this off? It's driving me crazy," he tells me. I laugh a little and shrug, shaking my head. "I don't know baby, I'm not a doctor," I reply.

"Actually, your jaw has healed much faster than expeced, Frank. You should be able to take it off in a couple of days," someone says at the door. It's Dr. Patel, the woman taht shows up at the most random of times. Frank smiles a little bit and sits up straigter. "Really? That soon?" He says. He holds my hand tighter and I give his a squeeze. "Yes, you've healed very quickly. You could probably even try walking now if you want," she says. Frank sits up even more and nods. "I want to try it," he says quickly. My eyes widen at his sudden decision. "Frank, are you sure?" I ask. He nods again and I swear I can see his blinded eyes light up. "Yes Gee, I'm sure. WIll you help me?" He asks. The way he sounds when he gets this excited makes me know that he knows what he's talking about. How could I even say no to that?

I stand up and let go of his hand. Dr. Patel and I help him si tso that his legs are dangling off the edge of the bed. "Are you ready, Frank?" Dr. Patel asks. Frank nods and reaches out with an open hand. "Gerard, take my hand," he says. I grab his hand and slowly, very slowly, we bring Frank to his feet. He wavers a bit, swaying slightly. I use my other hand to support the small of his back. He winces and shakes his head. "N-not there Gerard, that hurts," he tells me. As soon as he spoke, I move my hand away. "So sorry Frank," I say. He nods and instead, I move my hand to his shoulder. "Is this better?" I ask. He nods another time and it makes me feel better that I'm not hurting him anymore.

At a painfully slow pace, Frank takes a step forward. He's so hesitant, each move he makes is fearful, as if he's going to fall. "Frank, it's okay. We've got you, I'm not gonna let you fall down," I whisper softly into his ear. He leans into me a little bit and sighs. "This is harder than I thought it would be," he says. I chuckle a bit and squeeze his hand gently. "Yes, it's going to be a bit of a challenge, but the practice is the only way to be able to walk again," Dr. Patel says. Frank decides that he needs to stop, so we bring him back tot he bed and lay him down. The doctor leaves and it's just me and Frank again. "I think you did great," I say. He laughs softly and shakes his head. "I just never though that walking would be such a struggle for me," he mumbles.  
I sit next to him and kiss his forehead. "I know Frank, I"m sorry. I really should have tried harder to keep your dad away from hurting you. I'm sorry," I say, my eyes beginning to water. Frank frowns and shakes his head another time. "I don't want to hear you blaming yourself, Gee. It wasn't your fault, trust me baby," he says. I blink a few tears away as I lace my fingers with Frank's. "I-I know, but if I had done more to protect you, you wouldn't be like this right now," I tell him, my voice trembling. Frank smiles and reaches out to touch my face, he finds it and stroke's my cheek. "Don't worry too much about it, I'm alive, which is more that I expected to happen. I'm healing, and healing fast, and I've got you right here. Everything is fine right now, so just relax for a moment," he says. Frank sits up and rests his head on my shoulder, and for a moment, I'm relaxed. For just a moment, everything is fine.  
A while later, Frank's hands are playing with mine. Frank loves to play with my hands, he loves to study them. He loves to study any part of my body to get to know it better, to know me better. I let him do whatever he wants in that sense. He's got no way of seeing me with his eyes, so I allow him to see me with his hands and fingers. His face is toward mine, his brow furrowed and concentrated. "Gerard, why do you always wear long sleeves?" He asks. I look at him and say, "Well, because I like it, and I don't like my arms," I say. It's not a lie, long sleeves are great, and I really don't like my arms, but it's also because I don't want anyone to see my scars. "Well I'm sure your arms are fine, you never let me touch them," he says. Okay, I let him touch my anywhere but my arms. I don't want him to know about my cutting. He'd hate that.  
"I just... I hate them, that's all,"I say, hoping he'd leave the topic, but I'm not that fortunate. "Gerard, how am I supposed to know what your arms are like if you never let me touch them?" He asks. I suck in a breath to speak, but Frank's already tog his hands up my sleeve, softly touching my arms. I hold my breath longer as he strokes the first scar. I watch his pale grey eyes as they flicker around nervously. He reaches up more, finding more of my scars. "Gerard?" He says, his voice cracking. I feel so bad, so guilty for him finding out about this. "Gerard, what is this? Your arms don't feel right, why is that?" He asks. I see the sadness in his eyes and it breaks my heart.

"Frank, I'm sorry, that's why I didn't want you finding out," I say. Frank shakes his head and keeps touching my arms. "No Gerard, I don't understand! I've never felt this before, why? What's making your arms feel like this?" He asks. I look at him, confused. He really didn't know what self-harm scars felt like? "Frankie... it's from uh... I cut myself, a-a lot. That's what you're feeling. The scars. And I'm sorry Frankie, I know it's wrong, but I need it." I say. Frank yanks his hands away very fast. "You what?! You hurt yourself, on purpose?! Why the hell would you do that?" He asks. He's trying to yell, but he can't yell loud enough. He's so angry, I knew he would be.   
"Frank, I get that I need to stop, and I well... when I get it to actually hurt bad enough," I say, mumbling that final part. But he hears it. He instantly breaks down into tears. "When it hurts bad enough? Gee, you'll end up killing yourself before that happens. Just stop now! Quit before it destroys you. You're all that I have now, I need you! Baby, you don't need to hurt yourself over anything anymore," he says. I feel the tears in my eyes and I grab his hand, though he pulls it back quickly. "Don't try to get romantic with me, I'm not happy with you," he grumbles. I've never heard him so mad before, especially not at me. I don't like when he's mad at me.

Frank bites his lip and sighs. "I"m sorry, I just can't believe you could do something like this to yourself. It's not something I understand. Why?" He asks. I don't know what to say to him honestly. I swallow hard and say, "Sometimes I just feel like I... deserve it, I guess." Frank burst into a small laugh, which surprises me. "Deserve it? You've done nothing wrong, not that I know of. And I don't know what you could have ever done that would deserve that. You don't deserve this, you been the greatest thing in my whole life. Stop punishing yourself, you're fine," he says.

I wipe my eyes, which are pouring with tears. No on has ever tried to convince me that I shouldn't hurt myself. Everyone always tells me that I should. I look at Frank and grab his hand again. This time he doesn't pull away. "You're right Frank, I'll try to stop. But it's not exactly a thing I can quit cold turkey, it's like an addiction," i say. Frank leans up and kisses the corner of my lips softly. "I'll be here every step of the way, I wont give up on you, I promise," he says. I cup the back of his neck, pulling him in and kissing him. I can't fucking help it.

The kiss doesn't last long. One reason is because his gear gets in the way. The second reason is that there's someone at the door. I pull back and look at the person. He's a middle-aged man in a grey suit. His face looks as if he's seen someone's guts get pulled out. Homophobic, perhaps. "I... apologize for interrupting. I just need to speak with Gerard Way?" he says. I sit up and get to my feet. "Yeah, of course," I say. The man smiles a fake, forced smile. "Very well, could you step into the hall just for a moment?" He says. I nod, walking to the door way. I give Frank a small smile and the man closes the door behind he and I.

"Gerard I'd like to talk to you about where Frank is going once he is released from he hospital," the man says. I raise an eyebrow and lean against the wall. "What does that have to do with me? I'm a minor, I don't get a say in it," I say. The man nods slightly, then continues. "Yes, well you're the only person we know of that he's close to, so in this case we're allowing you to be involved. We don't have any foster homes that will take Frank in, because of his condition. And most of the orphanages that are close enough wont take him because he's already almost of age where he can live legally on his own. So we decided that if you and your family are willing, he is allowed to stay with you until he finds a place to stay on his own," he explains.

It takes me a moment for it to set in. But when it does, I can hardly think. "So you're saying that Frank is able to live with me?" I ask. The man nods as if I'm an idiot. "That... is what I said. Though we'll have to talk to Frank about it too because if he doesn't want to stay with you, we can certainly find an orphanage farther away. The decision is ultimately up to him. So I'm going to go, you can talk to Frank about this and we'll figure it out from there," he said. And with that, he left. I go quickly back into the hospital room and see Frank sitting there, just waiting. "What did he want?" He asks. I smile wide and sit by Frank and kiss him again. "He wanted to tell me that you can stay with me and my family! I mean, only if you want to. If you don't, you just have to say so," I say. Frank gasps a little and sits up. "Wow, really? I can stay with you? I mean, of course I wanna stay with you! Gerard this is great! I'll actually live with nice people! I don't have to go back home!" He said. He's crying now and I pull him into a hug. "Gerard... I'm so happy," he says. He's happy, and finally, I am too.


	8. Chapter Eight

-Mikey's POV- 

Ever since Frank got sent to the hospital, things have taken a turn for the worse in my life. Now more than ever, I'm with Bert. He's treating me as badly as he can, constantly hitting me, beating me, making me bleed. And as if that doesn't hurt enough, he conjures up the meanest things to say to me. He's always telling me that I'm lower than dirt, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm unlovable. He's said it so often, and since he's the only person to tell me his opinions of me, I believe him. No one has ever told me otherwise. I go home each day feeling like shit only to do it all over again the next day. Along with that, he's continuing to make me have sex with him. He makes me do this all the time and gets angry when I hold back. But really, can I help it? I don't want to have sex with him. I don't want to have sex with anybody, not for a long time that is. I'm being forced against my will. I hate it, this is hell. The hell doesn't have an ending point though, it's day in and day out. Bert does what he wants with me from after school to whenever he's 'sick of seeing my disgusting face,' then I got home to sleep, but I'm plagued with nightmares of what he'll do next. Then at school, I worry about what he'll do when school is out.

Right now, my nightmares are worse than they have ever been. I can't hardly sleep. I can't go to Gerard to help me relax anymore, he's spending every night at the hospital with Frank. I can't blame him though. If I had the option of being with a person like Frank or an insignificant little brother, I'd choose Frank too. But I suppose I did this to myself, if I had only stayed with Gerard when things go thard and stop being a selfish little bastard, we'd be okay. Gerard wouldn't cry so much, he wouldn't be bullied, I wouldn't even have to know Bert at all. So it all falls on me, I'm to blame. Bert's right when he says I'm a pathetic waste of a life. He says that things would be better if I just died and got out of the way. And seeing that death is the only option I have to relieve the world, it's got to be done. So it will be done. I'll kill myself one way or another. It's the least I could do for making the world shit for the time I've been alive.

All throughout school today, it's all I can even think about. How will I go about killing myself. It's something I never though would ever cross my mind. It's a little scary... well, it's really scary, I'm terrified. Will I even be brave enough to go through with it? During English, it won't leave my head, and I'm growing more and more afraid. I'm gripping the edge of my desk with white knuckles. My heart is spinning and I'm getting dizzy. I can't focus on my teacher. I try to concentrate as they go on and on about Romeo and Juliet. It's probably one of the most boring topics on Earth, but anything is good enough for me right now. But when I finally do loosen my grip and listen, they begin talking about when Juliet finds out that Romeo is dead and she tries to kill herself. Great, could the timing be worse?

I feel the tightness in my chest become even tighter. I need to get away from this. I raise my hand, trying so desperately to keep in from shaking. "Uh, M-Ms. Harris... may I please go to the bathroom?" I rasp out. She nods her permission and just like that, I'm bolting out the door. I couldn't listen to another word of that. I quickly make my way down the hallways until I reach the bathroom. Once I'm in there, my stomach heaves and I rush to a toilet. I vomit all that I didn't have for breakfast thsi morning, gagging on the air. I lift my head a few minutes later and flush the bile down. Today is going to be one of the longest days of my life, and it'll be my last. 

Later at lunch, I shove my food around the tray, picking and stabbing at it with a fork. "Hey dude, are you alright?" Someone asks. I look up and see all of my friends watching me. My friend Pete was the one who asked. "Yeah... I'm fine. Just not feeling well," I mutter. They all instantly go back to their previous conversations. That's when I start to see it. None of these guys actually care about me. Why do I even have them around? Sure, they're all there for me when life is okay and everything is fun, but the moment that things start to get rough and bumpy, they're nowhere to be found. I really hate myself now. I surrounded myself with people who didn't even care about me. How can they not see that things aren't okay right now. I'm not fine! Anyone with a brain could notice that. And maybe they did notice, they just couldn't give a shit. They probably don't know that my life is going to end tonight. They probably won't even care.

Suddenly, I feel a face close to mine, and I'm pretty sure it's just Pete being weird. He does that. But when I turn to face him, my heart nearly stops. Because it isn't Pete, it's Bert, staring at me with his cold blue eyes. "You look sick, are you sick?" He asks. I swallow hard and shake my head. He grins and rests a hand on my shoulder. "Good, because I need you at my house today and you aren't getting out of it," he whispers. I knew he didn't actually care if I was sick or not, he just needed to remind me that I still have one more moment of hell with him before I die. He leans in and whispers, "Just like everyday, today is going to be a lot of fun. For me, that is. Unfortunately I can't say the same for you." I can't care less about what he'll do to me anymore. It'll be over soon enough anyway.

I turn my head down as he continues to say things to me. I don't care what he's saying. But I snap my head back up quickly when I hear an all too familiar voice. I stare emotionlessly at my brother. Maybe to him I look like I'm mad, but that's not the case. I need him right now. Maybe he'll see that I need him, maybe he'll try to help me. But he doesn't notice anything and just goes right to Bert. They talk and Gerard's words are dripping with an acidic hatred. I want to get out of here. Did Gerard find out about what's been happening? No, he'd be yelling at me if he had. I stare at the two of them, my friends now paying attention as they probably expect a fight to break out. Fortunately, the bell rings before anything can even take place. And as quickly as I can, I run out of the cafeteria to get as far away from Bert and Gerard as I can.

After my long day of school finally comes to an end at 3:00, I fling my bag over my shoulder and walk to the front of the building. I find Bert standing at the door, waiting for me. "Are you ready?" He asks. I nod slowly and fully approach him. He and I head to his shitty old truck and I sit in the passenger seat. I don't get a moment to myself between school and Bert, and it's affecting my grades badly, but it doesn't matter anymore. As he drives he turns on his music and turns it up loudly. I've learned that he really likes bands like Led Zeppelin and Nirvana. Not bad music taste, I'll admit, but that doesn't make him any less of an asshole. He's also a reckless driver, I might end up ding from a car crash before I get the chance to commit suicide.

Sadly for me, we make it to his house without any trouble at all. He grabs my wrist before I can get out of the car. I turn to look at him, but when I do, he slams his mouth against mine. His kisses are needy and rough, he often cuts my lips open with his teeth or with my own. I have no choice but to give into his kiss, like always. Forcefully, he crams his tongue into my mouth. He puts his hands on my face and digs his nails into my cheeks and jaw, breaking skin. He shifts so that he's nearly on top of me. I've got to keep still unless otherwise demanded, that's his rule, not mine. One disobedient act and all hell breaks loose.

But that's exactly what should happen. I might not have to commit suicide. If I disobey him enough times, he'll beat me so much that it'll kill me. Sure, it'll be a painful way to die, but it's not suicide, not exactly. So I reach my hands up and place them on his shoulders, and then I shove him off of me. Bert falls back into his seat and punches me hard in the jaw. "What the hell was that for, Way?" He snaps. I roll my eyes and get out of the car, purposely ignoring his orders to come back. Instead, I flip him off and walk inside. It takes all I have not to smile. So far, it's working. I'm getting him pissed off.

Bert grabs me by the collar when he comes inside. He drags me across the room. His house is small and shitty, I've never seen his parents, but I'm willing to bet that they're just as bad, maybe even worse. Once he's done dragging me, he kicks me to the ground. "You sonofabitch, you do what I say, and you don't fucking defy me," he growls, stomping on my chest. The pain is bad, but I can't let it show. I need to make him think that I can take more of the pain, even if I can't. This has to kill me, I don't think I'm brave enough to do it myself. Bert yanks me up to my feet by my hair. He yells, "Do you understand me?!" Instead of responding like he wants, I spit in his face.

Bert stares in shock, then glares. "You shouldn't have done that," he hisses. I know I shouldn't have, that's why I did it. Bert slams me into a wall, repeatedly kicking and punching me. After he pauses, I let out a small laugh. "Is that really the best you can do? Damn McCracken, I'm disappointed. you seem to be getting weaker. Pretty soon, I'll be the one beating your ass," I say. That seriously ticks him off. He reaches out and grabs my neck hard, really hard. "What the hell is wrong with you? You aren't this tough. It's like you're trying to get killed!" He says. He doesn't even know the half of it.

He grips my neck tighter when I ram my knee into his crotch. I'm getting light headed, I can't hardly breathe, it's exactly what might do it. But he drops me to the floor, oxygen starts to fill my lungs. "I need you alive. Killing you would look bad on my part," he says. I glare to the floor at my failed attempt. "Get up," he says. But he doesn't give me the time to do it, he pulls me up by my wrist, "You're really getting on my nerves right now, Way. You'd better cut it out right now. I know what you're doing and it isn't going to work. I'm not stupid, your brother has done the same thing before too. He tried to get me so pissed that I'd off him. It didn't work with him, and it won't work with you. I know how you Ways are," he says.

Gerard tried to get Bert to do this too? I'm honestly not surprised about this, I know that he's attempted suicide before, he just hasn't been brave enough to do it. Bert shakes his head and grabs my jaw. "Are you going to do what I say now? Because if not, I can easily go back to bullying Gerard. It's entirely up to you," he says. My eyes open wide at the thought of him hurting my brother anymore than he already has. I'm just going to have to go back to my first plan and just do it tonight. He can't hurt Gerard anymore. "I-I'll listen now..." I whisper. He grins and kisses my neck where finger-like bruises are blooming. "That's what I though," he says.

He grabs my wrist and brings me up to his room. "You ready?" He asks. I nod and he presses my back against the door. But for just a moment, a very strange moment, Bert's gentle with me. He peels my shirt off and kisses my colar bone softly. But as soon as our eyes meet, the gentleness is gone. He throws me onto his bed, pulling the rest of my clothes off harshly. He makes me take his clothes off because he's too busy scratching me and yanking my hair. He bites at my shoulder once I'm done and shoves me down. All I can do now is just let it happen and wait for it to be over.

Finally, it is and he says he's done with me for today. He lets me leave and he pushes me off the bed. "I expect to see you tomorrow, Way," He barks as I get my clothes on. I look up and stare at him. I almost want to tell him that no, he wont see me tomorrow, he wont see me ever again. But I decide to just ignore him and leave as fast as I can. I quickly leave his house as soon as I get dressed. I didn't drive to his house, so I'm going to have to walk. It's almost a mile or so to my house, so it'll be a pretty long walk. I put my headphones in to block out the sounds of my own thoughts. I know that if I think about anything, I'll just freak out about killing myself and I'll back out of doing it. But I have to do it for Gerard, I have to stop being a burden in his life. A burden is all I'll ever be to him, but not anymore. I'll be out of his way before he gets home.

After my long walk is over, I finally get home. I pull my headphones out and open the front door. Nobody is home, my mom is probably at work still and Gerard is probably at the hospital with Frank. This makes it easier for me for what I'm about to do. I got to my room and drop my bag on the floor. I feel disgusting and filthy, like I always do after being with Bert for too long. I consider a shower, but I'm not going to waste my time. I head back downstairs and go to the storage closet next to the bathroom. In a box on the top shelf if a small handgun. It's old and nearly broken, but good for a couple more fires. And one shot is all that I need.

I grab the box and bring it to the staircase. Laying it on the first step, I open it. Inside is the gun and a small box of bullets. I hold the gun in my hand, feeling it's heavy weight. I stare at it and feel my hands begin to shake. The nerves are starting to set in and I'm beginning to freak out. Will anyone notice I'm gone? I mean, of course my family will notice, someone has to find me eventually, especially when I'm on the stairs. But will they care? All I've done is made their lives miserable. In fact, they'd be relieved that a heavy burden like me will be lifted off their shoulders. I've done nothing to make up for the fact that I'm scum. My life is a mistake and I'm going to rid the world from it.

My whole body is shaking slightly and tears are pouring down my cheeks. I'm so afraid right now, but I'm not going to let the fear get the best of me. I'm not going back now. I raise the gun to my head, pressing the cold metal to the skin of my temple. This is it, I'm going to die. It really is over for me now. I'm not afraid that it's going to hurt, I'm more afraid taht I'm not going to die from it. I'd miss my chance, I'd have to live longer, and everyone will know that I tried and failed. It's now or never, and it had better take me out. I suck in a breath and my forefinger teases the trigger. I let the breath out in a sob-like sigh. I'm ready now.

As my finger curls more around the trigger, the front door flies open. I crush my eyes shut and pull the trigger as fast as I can. Nothing happens. I forgot to put bullets in it! I let out a gasp and my eyes fly open. How could I have forgotten the fucking bullets?! The person who interrupted runs at me. "Mikey, what the hell?!" They shout. It's Ray. His hand smacks mine, knocking the gun to the floor. I choke out a sob and fall forward. Ray catches my shoulder and says something. I can't hear what his saying past the blood rushing in my ears. My head is spinning, it's so hard to breathe. I lost my chance. It feels like my world is crashing down around me. "Mikey! Calm down! It's okay now," I hear Ray say. He pulls me into his arms, my head hitting his chest. My whole body is aching as it shakes. I feel like I'm hyperventilating.

We sit like that for a while, my body slowly beginning to relax. After a while, he pulls me away to look me in the eye. The terror in his eyes shows me he's serious. "Tell me what's going on now," he says quietly. I don't know if I'm ready to speak yet, so I bury my face into the crook of his neck. He holds me close and god, I've missed his hugs. He brushes some of my hair down his this fingers. I listen to his heart beat and respiration, letting the sounds calm me. Eventually, I can thing straight enough to talk to him. I look up and say, "I'm sorry," though it's no louder than a whisper. Ray sighs and starts to rub my back. "Just tell me why," he says.

I bit my lip, wondering about what I'll even say. Tears are in my eyes again, my chest still aches and I still want to die. I look down and say, "I'm in the way. I-I'm not... needed here." I rasp out. He shakes his head and frowns. "That's so far from true. Who told you that?" He asks. I crush my eyes shut and lay my head back. "It didn't need to be said, I could just tell..." I whisper. It's true too, it went without saying. I saw it everywhere. I was too much stress for Dad, he left because of me. My mom's really talented, she could do anything, but I'm in the way. I worry Gerard and I make his life hell, I'm another reason that he's bullied. All of these silently scream at me to do them a favor and get out of their lives.

Ray stares at me and I see it in his eyes. Even him. He's proven it to. I hurt him. We used to be so close but I left him for a selfish reason If i die, I can't hurt him anymore. "Mikey, you can't do this. You'd destroy your brother for life. Can't you see how much he loves you? How much you mean to him?" He says. I scoff and pull away from him. No, I can't see it, all I see is the pain in his eyes when I look at him. "I can't mean that much to him. I'm just a burden and I know it," I mumble. Ray stares at me and then laughs. He fucking laughs. "I-I'm sorry, but you are so not a burden to him, Mikey. Gerard would never see you that way. He loves you so much. I just can't believe that you actually thought that he saw you that way," he says, still chuckling.

How am I not a burden to my brother? I mean, all I've ever done is treat him like shit and worry him. If that's not a burden, then what the hell is? Though I'm too tired and worn to fight Ray anymore. But a bigger question still lies unasked. "Ray, what are you even doing here?" I ask, looking at him. Ray blinks, then he nods, as if he was expecting that question. I hope he was expecting it. "Gerard called me. He asked me to check on you because he was busy with Frank. And I'm glad I did. What you almost did was very serious, Mikey. If I came any later than I did, you'd be dead. I-I would have been the one to find you. I don't know what I'd do then. You mean a lot to me too. I can't let you die, I just can't," he says. 

When I look at him next, I see tears in his eyes. I'm actually quite shocked to see that. I didn't know that I hurt him so much. Ray wipes his eyes and sighs. "I know we've had our differences, but I really want us to be friends again. I miss you and I want you back in my life. If you want," he says. I grab my sleeve and start to twist and pull at it. He continues, "I know that you don't like the fact that I'm bisexual. And I'm willing to closet myself if that changes anything." I'm surprised to hear that from him, honestly. Ray has always had this attitude of "don't change for anybody," so wouldn't he be included in that? I don't know what to say to him. I'm really conflicted.

I've always seen myself as straight and nothing else could change it. But ever since Bert... I don't know anymore. I've kissed him, I've blown him, I've fucked him, but I don't like it at all. So does it make me any less straight? I hate all that I've been doing with Bert, but it's mostly because I'm doing it against my will. Would things be different if I were to do these things with another man if I wasn't forced? Would I like it? My sexuality is in question here, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not in any position to judge anyone because of their sexuality anymore. I haven't ever been in the position to do that. Being anything but straight doesn't make someone less of a human being. It has just taken me this long to realize that.

I look back up at Ray and smile at him. He's been the greatest friend to me. The only friend who has genuinely cared for me, I need him back in my life. "Ray, I'd like to be friends again. And you don't need to closet yourself, I can accept who you are 100%," I say. He looks at me with newly teary eyes and smiles. He lets out a small laugh and says, "Oh my god, I'm so relieved to hear that. Mikey, thank you so much!" I nod and he swoops down, pressing his lips to mine. There's nothing romantic about this kiss, nothing awkward or anything. It's more like a closure kiss, a way to reassure each other. A pointless kiss, but well needed actually.

As soon as his lips came, they're gone. Ray and I sit next to each other in silence for a moment, calming down. I'm glad he stopped me from myself, I know know now how badly that could have been. My thoughts are interrupted by a phone going off, and it's not mine. Ray reaches in his pocket and answers. "Hi Gerard," He says. My gut tightens now knowing that he's talking to my brother. I look at Ray as he says, "Yeah, Mikey's okay now... Well that's the thing, He..." Ray stops there and looks at me. "Uh yeah, a couple of cuts on his face and -holy shit- he's been choked!!! Yes! There are finger bruises on his neck! My god, how did I not notice?! No, I don't know who did it... No, I'm not gonna make him tell me. He's had enough for today... I mean, Gerard, that he..." 

I know he has to tell him. "Gerard, Mikey was trying to kill himself when I got here," he says. From the other end, I hear Gerard slamming on the brakes of his car and scream, "What?!" I wince and look down. If I can hear that, I know he's gonna be ten times louder when he gets home. Ray quickly speaks up. "Now listen, I calmed him down and he's okay now. It's your turn to relax," he says. When my brother's this mad, you don't ever tell him to relax. I hear Gerard scream, "Don't tell me to fucking relax, Toro! Or it'll be the fucking end of you!" Ray pulls the phone away and sighs, closing it shut. Gerard probably hung up on him.

Ray looks at me apologetically. "I'm going to go before he gets here. But Mikey, for the time you're along, don't you dare hurt yourself, got hat?" He says. I nod and he smiles softly. "Good, I'll see you tomorrow," he adds. I watch him leave, and when he's gone, I put the gun back in the box and the box far back into the closet. I sit on the couch and clutch a pillow to my chest. Gerard is going to be so mad at me, and I don't blame him, I deserve it. I sit and I wait. Not long after, he's home. "Michael James Way. What. The Hell?!" He shouts. I drop the pillow and stand up. "Gerard, don't be mad at me. Please don't," I say.

His eyes soften and his body untenses. He stars at me for a second, then throws his arms around me, sobbing. I stay frozen in place for a moment, then hug him back. "Mikey, I'm not mad, I'm just... just really scared! I almost lost you!" He sobs. I let him cry fro a while longer, holding him up when his legs gave out. We sit on the couch and Gerard wipes his eyes. "Why would you do that?" He asks, his voice shaking. I suppose I'm going to have to have this conversation again. I sit up and say, "I felt... like I was a burden, and that I wasn't important," I say, getting right to the point. Gerard gasps and grabs my shoulders. "Don't you ever say that again!" He shouts. I stare at him with wide eyes and he continues. "Mikey, you're so important, you could never be a burden to me. You're my baby brother, I can't be without you. Wh-when I found that you tried to kill yourself... Mikey, I blamed myself for that."

Why would he need to blame himself? Apparently I don't even need to ask. "I feel like I haven't been a good enough brother to you. I haven't been there for you when you needed it. And look what happened," he says, motioning to the bruises Bert put on my neck. I feel tears well up in my eyes and I shake my head. "You've been a good brother. You care about me and everything. It's my fault you think that. I pushed you away and didn't respect you like I should've. I'm sorry," I say. Gerard blinks tears from his eyes and says, "You've gotten hurt more than you should have and I haven't done nearly enough to help you. I gave up on you and I know that I did. I'm the one who needs to be sorry."

He grabs my hand and squeezes it gently. "What do you mean you gave up on me?" I ask. He swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "You were putting up these walls so that the world couldn't get in, and I understand that. But I used to try to be a part of your life, but the wall blocked me out too. I gave up on trying to get in and I shoudln't have done that. I should never have given up. I'll never do it again," He explains. It's my turn to cry again. I lean into Gerard and cry silently into his shoulder. "Gee I'm sorry!" I cry. His arms worm around my body and he pats my back. I can't believe that I almost killed myself. If Gerard got so scared from a failed attempt, what would he have done if I succeeded?

I pull back from Gerard and I say, "I love you." His eyes go wide and he covers his face with his hands, crying softly. I'm about to ask what's wrong, but he beats me to it. "I never thought I'd hear you say that to me! My god, I'm so happy to hear that!" He says. I sort of feel like a jerk. If Gerard never expected to hear me say that, what does that make me? I smile anyway and run a hand through my hair. "I do love you Gerard, I always have. I guess I should start saying it more often," I say. Gerard lets his arms down and pulls me into them. "I love you too, Mikes," he says softly in my ear. I haven't been this close with Gerard in so long. It's so nice. We don't say a word for a while, we just hold each other. Next thing I know, Gerard is leaning heavily against me, snoring into my neck. He's asleep. I lay him on his back and curl up to him. Today was emotionally exhausting. I'm just glad that I can rest now, knowing that I'm still going to be here tomorrow.


	9. Chapter Nine

-Gerard's POV-

It's been nearly three weeks since Frank got out of the hospital. He had to get used to walking again, which was a struggle, but he got the hang of it fairly quick. I'm just so glad that he's safe now. He doesn't have to worry about his father's rage anymore. Though it must be a difficult change for him. He no longer has his parents around. I'm not quite sure what happened to his mother, but I'm not going to pry, I can understand why this would be a bad time. But to know that he's in a safe environment should hopefully relieve some of his stress. He seems relatively happier now, if that's anything. I love to see him smiling, it warms my heart to see it. He's got such a beautiful smile, it lights his entire face up. I'd do anything to see him smile. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to smile.

However, now that I'm not too worried about Frank, I worry even more for Mikey. He tried to fucking kill himself. That's not okay. I can't believe he'd d something so awful. I really do blame myself for it. I should have helped him, at least trying to talk to him could have helped. But I didn't. I didn't because I'm a selfish, horrible older brother. He'll probably never fully trust me to care for him ever again. What have I done? I should have known that this would happen. He was getting bullied and I did nothing about it. I was too conceited to see past myself and realize what was really happening. Their bullying and my ignorance led to what was almost his death. But it's not exactly that he was being bullied, he still is. I know that he's being bullied, he's doing the same thing he was doing before his attempt. he's still going to a random person's house and he comes home late at night with new injuries.

Whoever's hurting my little brother has got to be stopped. If it's Bert, I'm going to tear his goddamn body apart. He's done quite enough to me and my life, if he's do anything to make my little brother hurt, I'm going to fucking lose it. But if it's not him, I need to figure out who it is and fast. I can't have my little brother being hurt anymore, he's gone through enough as it is. Just like Frank, I want MIkey to be happy, because he deserves it too. I understand that Mikey's been kind of an asshole to me before, but that's his wall that he keeps up to protect himself from getting hurt. But he shouldn't have to protect himself from me, I'd never hurt him, not ever on purpose. I need to get myself on his side of the wall. I need to get him tot rust me. Maybe, if I save him from the bastard that's hurtin ghim, he'll learn to trust me.

My biggest problem though, is finding out who it is. I can't just assume it's Bert and go after him. The guy is a hell of a lot stronger than I am and could easily snap my neck if he wanted to. ANd I'd need to know for sure who it is first. I could follow Mikey around after school, but I'm horrible at sneaking, he'd spot me in a second. I know that I probably won't be able to get Mikey to tell me, I already know that he's far too stubborn that way and he wont say a word about any of it. Why Mikey has to be so stubborn, I don't know. I just wish he'd be open with me and let me be the older brother. Fuck, if I hadn't messed up my role as the older brother, things would be so much easier.

"Gee?" A person says. I gasp, nearly jumping twenty feet in the air. I turn and look at Frank. He's got a raised eyebrow and a small smirk. "Gee, are you alright baby? I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes. Am I too quiet, or are you just really into this TV show?" He asks. I blink, my cheeks turning bright red. I look at the TV, completely forgetting what I was even watching, or that Frank was even next to me. "Uh, no, you're fine, and I'm not really watching the show," I say. Frank nods and giggles. "I'm not watching either, but duh. Though from what I'm hearing, it's pretty boring. So, what's going on inside that head of yours?" He presses. I sigh and rub my tired eyes. "I'm just worried about Mikey. He's starting to scare me," I say. Frank rests his hands on my knee and strokes it with his thumb. He gives my knee a reassuring squeeze and says, "I know baby, I'm worried too, I think he's even worried about himself." I bite my lip and nod. I don't like this nagging feeling of fear for him whenever he's not home.

"I just want him to be safe, Frankie. I wish he'd just be home, were I can protect him like I'm supposed to," I say. Frank grimaces and reaches for my hand. I hold his hand in mine and shut my eyes. "Well Gerard, maybe you should try to talk to him about this," he says. My eyes fly open and I sit up. "You think I haven't tried that already? I've been trying non-fucking-stop to get him to talk about who's hurting him!" I say back. Frank sighs and covers our grasping hands with his other hand. "No, I don't mean about the bully. I mean... you should talk to him about you. Tell him how much you care about him, how much it's hurting you to see him like this. He might open up more if you tell him the truth," he says. I suck in a breath and let it out slowly, looking at him for a moment or two. "You're right Frank. But I'm just really scared that it'll make him hate me more than he already does," I say. I know Mikey told me before that he loves me, but I don't believe it. I don't understand why he would. Frank giggles and says, "He won't hate you for being honest. He doesn't hate you now either. Would he cuddle up to you for comfort if he hated you?" I roll my eyes and sigh. "You're trying to tell me that Mikey, the brother who always calls me a freak faggot actually loves me?" I ask.

Frank releases one hand to hit me on the head. "Yes he loves you, you dork. He's just scared, I'm sure. But I know that he does love you, I know it for a fact," he says. I stare at him and shift in my place. "But he hasn't shown any form of love for a very long time. I'm not ever sure that he knows what love feels like anymore," I mutter. Frank scoffs and pulls himself away from me now. "Don't ever say that again. Nobody forgets what love is, nobody. Not even my own father forgot what love felt like, he just refused to feel it. Mikey isn't refusing to show love, he might just have a hard time showing it, or he's too scared to show it. Don't be mad at Mikey for being afraid, you need to encourage him to stop being scared. If you don't, he'll never be brave enough to be able to show how much he loves you," he says. I tear up and bite down on my lip. Frank always seems so shy and scared to speak up, but then he'll say something to prove me wrong. He's really brave and mature, matured way past his years. Maybe it's not exactly a good thing in the way he matured, but he did. The says these amazing things that you'd never expect a sixteen year old to say.

I look at his face and grin, "Frank... god I love you," I say. He smiles and his cheeks turn red. "What? What did I say?" He asks. I shake my head and wrap my arms around him, pulling him close to me. "You just... you're just great," I say before pressing our mouths together. He gasps quietly and smirks a little when our noses rub together. He pulls away and his cheeks are bright red. "Y'know Gerard, we don't have to be kissing all the time to have fun," he says. I nod and play with his hair. "Yeah, but I love kissing you," I say. He giggles and moves my hands from his hair. "Yes... but when was the last time that we just talked or something?" He asks. I shrug and pull him in, continuing to play with his hair. He's right, we don't really just sit in talk. "Alright... what do you wanna talk about then?" I ask. He grins and lays on his head on my shoulder, saying, "Would you smack me if I told you I don't know?" I smile widely and kiss his head. "You're so weird, Frank," I say. 

Frank sits up quickly at the sound of the door opening and slamming shut. I pull away from Frank and look over at the door. Mikey rushes past us, but I see enough damage to know there's got to be worse. I'm surprised he's home right now, honestly. It's only 5:00 pm, he's normally not home until 10. "Mikey, stop! Right now," I shout. He sprints up the stairs as soon as I say that. I try to get up onto my feet, but Frank pushes me back don. "Don't. You're too mad to talk to him right now. You're being the over-protective brother. Let me talk to him," he says. I stare at him for a moment. He's right. I'd probably flip out at the sight of any of his damage. I let out a sigh and nod. "All right, go talk to him. I'll fucking wait here," I say. Frank smiles and presses a kiss to my lips. "Thank you Gee, i'll be right back," he says. I nod and watch him make his way up. I could easily have kept that argument going, but if there's one thing I've learned about Frank Iero, it's that he's really stubborn. Any argument with him is basically useless. He wont give up, he pushes for his way and wont stop until he gets it. It's one thing I love about him. One of the many.

As I hear Mikey's first shouts of protest at Frank, I turn my attention to the TV. The screen flickers and flashes about a group of cops solving crimes. It's nothing important, nothing interesting, but something to distract me from my thoughts, but I guess it's not enough. I can't help but worry that Mikey is really unhappy. Not meaning he's unhappy in general, which he probably is, I mean unhappy with Frank. I never asked Mikey how he felt about Frank being here at all. Suddenly a guy shows up in his home, in his brother's life, taking away the little attention his brother gave him. It's gotta suck. And then you add bullying on top of all of that and it only makes things worse. I should have payed more attention to him, I should have talked to him about all of this. But it's too late now, far too late. I wish I had seen it sooner. Who knows though, maybe Mikey doesn't hate Frank as much as I worry he does.

Frank comes back downstairs a while later, feeling his way to the couch. "He's fine. He didn't actually say much. He said he was tired, so I left him alone," Frank says before I can even ask about it. I sigh as he slips his arms around my waist. "He always says he's tired when he doesn't want to talk," I say, my voice worn. Frank frowns and looks down shamefully. "Oh... I'm sorry. I should have kept talking to him. Sorry," he says sadly. I cup his cheek and kiss his forehead. "Babe, it's okay, it's not a big deal," I say. I study his face and frown when I see blood smeared on the underside of his chin. "Frank... you've got blood on your chin. Why?" I ask. Frank raises and eyebrow and touches his chin. "Is that what that was? Huh, well Mikey's head must've been bleeding. I kinda rested my chin on his head earlier and felt something weird. That must've been it," he says. Of course Mikey's head was bleeding. He's always bleeding somewhere when he gets home. It's practically inevitable.

I pull Frank close to me and run my fingers through his hair again. Frank glides his hands across my body, like normal. We sit in silence like that and we don't let our thoughts bother us, at least for me. Frank's face concentrates and focuses, his hands grasping lightly and sliding against my back, chest, and stomach. I chuckle and look down at him. "Frankie, baby, what are you doing?" I ask. Frank lifts his blackened gaze to me and slowly pulls his hands away. "Um, I was just... feeling you," he says. I laugh a bit more and kiss his lips. "Why? Is there a reason?" I ask. Frank lifts his head more and says, "Well... yeah, I'm just trying to know for sure. For some reason you feel different... like there's less of you or something. Are you losing weight?" I look at him and tilt my head to the side. "Well, I guess. I've been so focused on you and Mikey that I haven't bothered much to eat," I say. 

Frank groaned and hit me on the arm. "Gerard! That isn't okay! You've got to eat, even if things are kind of hectic," he says. I roll my eyes and brush my hair from my eyes as well. "Like it even matters, Frank, I'm fat enough as it is. It's not like a couple of pounds are going to matter," I say. Frank hits me again. "You aren't fat! And a few pounds lost does in fact matter. A few pounds lost leads to another few because you don't think it's good enough, then you keep going like that. Then it'll never stop. Please don't stop eating, you could get really sick if you stop," he says. Leave it to Frank to care too much about me. "Frank, I'm fine, I promise," I say. He grimaces and shakes his head. "You suck at lying Gee," he mumbles. Frank rests his forehead on mine and says, "But I still love you anyway." I smile and hold his hand. "And I love you anyway too," I reply. He giggles and plays with my hand. I watch him as he does this and I can't help but feel so awful. Because I lied.

True, I haven't eaten much, but it's not because I've been too worried to. I'm sick and tired of being called fat, sick and tired of being fat, so I'm doing something about it. But it's nothing that Frank needs to know about. I hold Frank close to me and sigh. I can't stop staring at the blood on his chin. "Frank, how bad of a condition was Mikey in?" I ask curiously. Frank sits up and shrugs. "I didn't really find out about any of them. But.. he didn't sound too good. Sorry, I should have told you that before," he says. I don't know how I should take that. Mikey not sounding good can mean anything. "I'm going to go check on him then," I tell him. I pull away from him and get to my feet. "I'll be right back, okay?" Frank nods and smiles. When he lets go of my hand, I leave to the staircase heading to Mikey's room. Time to see what's going on.

I stop in front of Mikey's bedroom door, hesitating to even grab the door knob. I have a bad feeling that I'm not going to like what happened to him. "Mikey, are you alright?" I ask loudly. He's silent. I tap my fist on the door now. He's still quiet. "Okay, I'm coming in," I say. I grab the handle and push the door open. The room is dark and quiet. All silent except for a plug in fan. He's got a dark blanket wrapped around him and he's facing away from me. "Mikey?" I say softly. He doesn't move an inch. As I get closer, I get more worried. It's not a dark blanket, just a huge dark stain on a grey blanket. Now I'm scared. "Mikey?!" I snap. Absolutely nothing. I run to him and flip him on his back. There's fucking blood everywhere, I don't think he's breathing. "Oh my god, Mikey?!" I scream.

-Mikey's POV-

His fist rams into me over and over again. In my gut, my chest, my head. He kicks me hard in the chest, then in the eye. "You fucking. Disgusting. Useless. Bitch!" He screams. I didn't do anything to make him angry, not this time. My suicide hunts are over. This time, I just didn't say something that he told me to say. I'm bloodied and naked on his kitchen floor and he punishes me for not saying something. "I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Bert please stop!" I cry out. He ignores me like normal and only gets angrier. "Maybe you should have done what I fucking said and this wouldn't have had to happen!" He yells. I groan as he kicks me in the neck. "Fucking say it," he snarls. I look up at him and shake my head, saying, "I'll never fucking say it. I don't like that badly." Bert glares and punches me in the jaw. "I don't care if you're lying or not, you bitch. I want you to say it!" He snaps. He gives me one more blow to the chest before walking away from me.

I regain my breath and try to relax. Bert is just a bully, he has no real power over me. I sit up and let out a large but silent exhale. I don't know why he wants to hear these words. he wants me to tell him that I love him. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Those words aren't ones that I'm going to throw around and say. I haven't even been able to say it to Gerard that well yet, I'm far too afraid to say it. Why Bert wants me to say it, I don't know. I lift my head and start at Bert, asking the question that's been on my mind. "Why do you need me to say it so badly?" He inhales sharply and spins around, a knife in his hand. "Because... I need to hear that somebody fucking does," he screams. I back away, my eyes not moving from the knife he's holding so tightly. 

"Don't worry, bitch. I'm not going to use it on you. Not unless you make me," he hisses. I remain cowered in fear. Bert sighs and kneels down, facing me. "Now say it," he whispers. I swallow, then shake my head. "No, I'll never say it. Ever. You make me do a lot of things, stupid, painful, humiliating things. But I will never tell you something that you don't deserve," I say coldly. Then he snaps. He growls and thrusts the knife into me. I scream out in pain when he does it a few other times. "You little bitch! You don't understand! You'll never fucking understand!" He screams between stabs. I sob, trying push him off of me, but he's stronger than I am. The pain I feel is too much. Blood pours from me, and I'm feeling weak. "Bert please! Please! Stop it!!!" I scream, my voice cracking. He twists the knife and a burning pain fills me. "Bitch, don't you dare tell me what to do," he barks.

Finally he takes the knife out after four or five stabs overall. I double over and try to cover the bleeding wounds. I can hardly even feel the pain anymore, it hurts that bad. Bert backs away and drops the knife on to the floor. The knife clatters and he lets out a small noise. "G-get out... Leave, right now! Put your damn clothes on and leave. Don't ever come back here Mikey. Ever!" He screams. In fear that he'll do any worse damage to me if I don't, I do as he says. Despite the awful, numbed pain in my body, I put my clothes on. Once I do, I get to my feet. My legs are shaking wildly and my head is light and spinning. "Get the hell out of here!" he shouts. Slowly, I wobble to the door and get into my car. He must not've stabbed me in any vital organs, because I'm not dead. I drive down the road, trying hard not to cry. Crying would only blur my vision and that might actually kill me. Gerard is going to flip out when he sees me, I know it.

I got to leave a lot earlier today, I can still see the sunlight. It's around five today, and I'm sure that Gerard is going to be home. I need to avoid him at all cost. He's worried enough, I shouldn't make things worse. I do enough crap to him, this could ruin him. Now that I know that I do matter to him, my entire view has changed. I no longer feel like nobody wants me, because I know that Gerard does. That's all I need. Finally, I get home. It's getting harder to focus on anything now, my brain is throbbing. I still can't believe he stabbed me, it's surreal to me. All because I would say that I loved him. Of all the things in the world he could have wanted me to say, it's the most impossible. How could I love someone who doesn't deserve it? And what did he mean that he wanted to hear that someone did. How could he ever expect anyone to love a monster?

All this thinking is making my head hurt worse. I push the car door open and stumble to the front door. I go inside and find Gerard and Frank tangled together on the couch. I use their distraction with each other as a chance to get away. But I shut the door too hard and alert them. I hurry away to my room, ignoring Gerard yelling for me. He can't see me like this, it's getting worse, I'm bleeding even more now. I stand in my room for a minute and start to undress. I hear someone coming up the stairs and I'm sure it's Gerard. I put my bloody shirt behind a pile of laundry and lay in bed, covering myself in my grey blanket. Hopefully I don't bleed through the blanket while he, or whoever it is, is in my room. That'd end badly.

The knock on the door is quiet, so it's not Gerard. "M-Mikey, can I come in?" They ask. It's only Frank, he can't see how bad it is. But I still don't want anyone in my room. "Uh, not now," I say. My throat hurts really bad. The door opens anyway and Frank stands in the doorway. "Frank! I said no!" I shout. He blinks and bites his lip. I sort of feel bad for yelling. "Are you okay? Gee's worried about you," he says anyway. I sit up, despite the pain. "I'm fine, just... tired," I lie. Because he can't see the damage, he can't tell me otherwise. He sifts his weight from one leg to the other. "You sure? You sound just awful," he points out. I know, I sound like shit. "Yeah, like I said, I'm only tired. I'll be alright." I say, yet another lie. I'm sure Frank doesn't really believe me. I just want him to leave me alone, because I am getting tired and I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Frank walks toward my bed slowly, hesitantly. I don't think he's ever been in my room before. He sits on my bed and sighs. "Y'know Gerard needs you, so if anything's happening, he's got to know about it. Especially if you're hurt or in danger, understand?" He says. I know they both mean well, but I need to fight my battles alone. Even though the battle was originally between Gerard and Bert. "Yeah, okay. But can I just go to sleep now? I'm really so tired," I say, resting my head on his shoulder. Frank rests his chin on my head and I try not to pull away. My head's really sore from getting smacked against he wall. "He really loves you y'know. He only wants you to be safe," he says. I nod and pull away from Frank. "I know he does..." I mutter. Frank smiles and starts walking away. I lay back and squeeze my eyes shut. "Good bye, Mikey," Frank says. I remain silent, hoping he'd just think I'm sleeping. Thankfully, he's convinced by my silence and walks away, closing the door behind him.

I groan after he's gone, clutching my stab wounds. They hurt so bad now, and I'm sure that it wont make them better by touching them. I don't care though. The blood doesn't stop, it hasn't at all. I'm feeling so weak and dizzy. The room is spinning faster and faster and I can't focus on anything. I lift my blanket and look at them. They're scattered around my torso and blood is pouring out of them. It hurts so damn badly I wanna scream. I turn on my side and cry silently, the tears hitting my pillow. The time I don't want to die, it might happen, My breathing is now really shallow and labored and I can't feel my legs anymore. I let out a silent sob and grab the blanket tightly with my fists. The next thing I know, the world goes black.

 

I wake up, I'm in the back of a speeding car and Gerard is screaming at Frank. "No! I can't calm down! Someone stabbed Mikey, my little brother! Frank, I think he's gonna bleed to death!" He shouts. I look down at my stomach and see that it's covered in a towel that's wet with blood. I wince and lay back with a small moan. Gerard slams on the brakes and looks back. "Mikes?! Oh my god, are you okay?" He cries. I nod and face him. "I-I'm fine..." I whisper. He starts driving again and sniffles. "Mikey, I'm so sorry this happened. I should have been there for you," he says. I shake my head limply and cough. "It's nothing you could've prevented. I'll be... I'll be fine," I croak. Gerard forces out a laugh. "Fine? Fine?! You've got to be kidding me. Mikey, you got fucking stabbed! You're not fine and you know that you're not!" He says, crying more.

"Gerard... don't cry. We don't want to get into an... an accident," I say. He nods and rubs his eyes with his sleeve. "You're right, it's not helping anyone. I'm sorry. But Mikey, who did this?" He asks. I groan and shake my head. "Gerard, don't do this right now, please," I beg. My body feels like it's in fire and I still can't breathe right. The last thing I need is any more of Gerard's drama. He sighs and stares out at the road. "Okay, but we still need to talk about it eventually," he mutters. I'm aware I can't avoid this much longer, but I want to keep it hidden as long as I can. I just don't want him knowing that the only reason he's safe right now is the same reason he's driving me to the hospital. He'd go ballistic, he'd be so pissed off. But keeping it from him much longer is next to impossible.

Eventually, we reach the hospital. He pulls into a parking space, a little too quickly, and turns to me. "Do you think you can walk? Or do I need to carry you?" He asks. I suck in a breath and slowly let it out. "Well... seeing that I can't feel my legs whatsoever, yeah, I need carried," I mumble. Gerard nods, adding, "Well, that was a bit too sarcastic for this situation, Mikey." He opens the back door and slides his hands under my legs and my back, scooping me up in his arms. A huge shooting, burning pain runs through me and I scream a little bit. Gerard gasps and nearly drops me. "My god, are you okay?!" He asks. I nod and shut my eyes. He sighs in relief and starts to walk to the building. "C'mon Frank! Grab my shirt so you don't get lost," Gerard says. Frank does as he's told and before Gerard even reaches the building, I get incredibly dizzy and pass out, falling limp in Gerard's arms.

 

I wake up now in a hospital bed, my wounds are stitched up and wrapped. Gerard is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at me. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He asks. I shrug and grab for my glasses which are placed on the bedside table. "Fine, I guess. I'm exhausted and I ache, but I'm alright," I say, pushing my glasses up my nose. Gerard smiles and stands up. He walks toward me and leans close to my face, whispering, "Do you want to tell me what happened now?" I sigh and rub my head. "Gee, not now, please don't do this right now," I say. He frowns and grabs my arm. "Not no? Not later, then when? You can't keep it to yourself forever. It's not healthy. You aren't safe with whoever this is, so why are you always going to them? You could have died today because of them," he says, his eyes getting watery.

I think about Bert now. What would he do if Gerard knew? He could hurt both of us. I can't stop thinking about what he said when I asked why I should tell him I love him. 'Because I need to hear that somebody does!' His voice remains clear in my head. But not just the voice, also the look in his eyes the final time he told me to say it. He wasn't just angry, but desperate, as if he really did need to hear it. Why me though? Couldn't he have gotten someone else to say it? His parents? His friends? Why did he have to pick the person that he hates so much, the one he beats on for fun? It doesn't make any sense.

Gerard looks at me and grabs my hand. "Mikey, please be honest with me, who is it?" He presses. I don't know what to say to him. I'm not ready to tell him yet. He looks at me with sad eyes. "Gee, please, don't make me tell you right now. If you haven't noticed, I'm not in the best condition and I don't want to deal with this right now," I say. Gerard sighs and stands up. "Mikey! You can't avoid this forever, you need to tell me sometime," he says. I look down and roll my eyes. He leans over me now and says, "I just want to be able to keep you safe. I'm your big brother, it's kind of my job." I look up at him and smile a little. "I know you'd like to think it's your job to protect me, but it's not. I can protect myself just fine," I say.

Gerard's eyes widen, then squint into a glare. "Oh of course. You're protecting yourself real well. I mean, look at you! You're the spitting image of someone who can protect themselves. Fuck, what was I thinking? You're just fine, you don't need me, I'm so sorry, Mikey," he says sarcastically. I sigh and slowly sit up. "Gerard, you know that's not what I meant," I say. He looks at me, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. "I know it's not, but you can't just say that you can protect yourself when you nearly got stabbed to death," he replies. He's right, I can't protect myself from things that well, but I can keep myself alive, and to me, that's good enough. "Gerard, I understand that you want to be the one to keep me protected at all times, but you can't. You'd like to, but you can't. You can't always keep me save, you won't always be around to protect me," I tell him.

Gerard stares at me for what feels like forever before he finally says, "I realize this, Mikey. I'm not gonna be around all the time, but knowing that you're safe is enough for my peace of mind," he says. I wish that I could tell him that I'm safe, and be able to mean it, but I can't. I won't be able to until Bert is out of my life. And who knows when that'll be, if it happens at all. I turn to Gerard and force a smile. "I'll be alright. These injuries were my fault. I was provoking someone with a short temper while they were holding a knife. Injuries like this won't happen again," I say. He frowns and shakes his head. "I want to know who the one with the knife was. I want to know who's been doing all of this to you," he says.

Before I can say anything, a doctor comes in. He smiles at Gerard, then at me. "Michael, you're lucky. The knife missed all vital organs and the wounds are minor. You can go back home soon and I'll send you with a pain-reducing medication. You'll be just fine," he says. I look over at my brother and sigh in relief. I can go home and try to pretend this never happened, well... the best that I can. When the doctor leaves, Gerard instantly asks, "Do you think we can keep this a secret from Mom? She's been stressed as it is, I don't want her to get any worse." It'll be difficult, but not impossible to manage. I nod and he laughs a bit. "Good, thanks," he says.

I look around the room and raise an eyebrow. "Where's Frank?" I ask curiously. Gerard straightens up, as if even he did'nt know. "Hmm? Oh, I took him home to rest. But don't worry, all the doors are locked at home, I made sure of it. He'll be alright," he says. I nod and look out the window, the sun is just barely going down. I like Frank, he's been good for Gerard, he's helped him a lot. I haven't been able to show Frank my appreciation for him. Without Frank, who knows how different things would be. Who knows if Gerard would even be here still? Maybe I wouldn't be here if Frank hadn't shown up for Gerard. So Frank sort of means a lot to me, even though he doesn't know it. 

We get home an hour later, Gerard keeps playing the same song over and over again. He's singing it now as he unlocks the door. "Generals gathered in their masses, just like witches at black masses. Evil minds that plot destruction, sorcerers of deaths construction. In the fields the bodies burning, as the warm machines keep turning. Death and hatred to mankind, poisoning their brainwashed minds... Oh Lord yeah!" he sings. I groan and gently slap his arm. "Gee, sing that song again, I'm gonna rip your vocal chords out... in the nicest way possible," I say. He gives me a teasing glare and pushes the door open. "Fine, I'll stop," he mumbles. I walk inside, clutching my pain pills tight. "I'm going to go to bed, Gee, I'll see you tomorrow," I say. He stares for a moment, then smiles. "Yeah, see you tomorrow. I'll give you a ride to school tomorrow, alright? Good night, Mikey, I love you," he says. I nod and smile back. "Good night. Love you too," I say.

I get to my room, shutting the door behind me. I pull my hoodie over my head and look at my injuries in the mirror. Even though they're wrapped up, I know they're going to leave ugly scars. Bert's going to find me even more disgusting, he'll hate me more now. I sigh and open my bottle of pills, swallowing a couple down. I turn my lights off and lie in bed. I forgot, Bert says he never wants to see me again. But what will he do next? Is it all over or will he go back to the way things used to be? I'm so afraid he's going to hurt Gerard again, I can't live knowing that I let Bert go after him again. Gerard is finally free from being beaten, he's starting to be happier, I can't let that end so soon. So for now, I have to do anything I can to keep Bert from hurting my big brother.

 

My alarm goes off at 6:30 am. I sigh into my pillow and sit up. Time to get up. I slowly stand, but I stop halfway from a sharp pain in my abdomen. I'd completely forgotten about what happened the other day. I wince and look down at my bandages, they'd better not hurt like this all day. I put new clothes on and brush my tangled mass of hair down. I put my glasses on my face and head downstairs. Gerard and Frank are at the table, drinking coffee. "Good morning, Mikey," Gerard says, smiling. I smile back a little and grab a coffee mug. "Morning," I mumble back. I pour some coffee into my mug and sip at it. I turn to Gerard, he's still staring at me. "Can I... help you with something?" I ask. He smiles and shakes his head. "No, I'm just glad you're okay right now," he says. 

I nod a bit and sit down at the table. I had brought my pills downstairs and set them on the table. I got out a couple into my hand. "How're you feeling?" Gerard asks. I shrug, popping some pills into my mouth and swallowing them down with coffee. "I'm in a ton of fucking pain, no thanks to Bert..." I say. As soon as I hear his name, I forget to breathe. My eyes widen and I look at Frank and Gerard, their eyes just as wide. "Oh my god..." Frank whispers. Gerard remains silent and it's honestly scaring me. I can't believe I just let it slip. "G-Gerard?" I say quietly. He keeps staring at me. I'm afraid he's going to blow up. I watch him as he wordlessly gets up, putting his empty mug into the sink. He turns to Frank and I, and in a monotone voice, says, "Get your bags, get in the car."

Gerard drives slowly and silently. The radio is kept off and we're left with our thoughts. Mine are freaking me out. What's Gerard going to do? What's Bert going to do? If he stabbed me yesterday from being angry, what will he do next? What if he goes after Gerard? I hate myself right now. I should've been more aware of what I was saying. I just messed everything up, screwed myself over. I'm doomed. I look at Gerard, I can't even imagine what he could be thinking right now. Is he mad at me? Mad at himself? What's he gonna do when he sees Bert? I'm not looking forward to today, not at all.

We make it to school, and my heart is pounding like crazy in my chest. I don't want to get out of the car just yet. But Gerard puts his hand on my arm. "Let's go," he says. I swallow hard and nod. I don't want to make Gerard any more pissed off. I open the car door and stand on shaking legs. I follow behind Frank and Gerard from a distance, afraid that Gerard will see Bert and go ape shit. We walk down the halls silently for a while. I feel like everyone knows what Bert's done to me. Like they know I let him use me, but they don't care. They all hate me for it, judge me fore it. I look at the floor and hurry up to catch up with Gerard and Frank. I don't' care if Gerard freaks out or not, I just can't be alone.

Throughout the whole day, I'v been on edge. Gerard hardly spoke to me this morning, despite my attempts to talk to him. I know that if he wasn't made at me, he would have talked to me then. It's lunch now, and I'm shocked. Bert isn't here today. That's really uncommon for him. If he can bully someone, he doesn't pass up the chance to do so. I'm sitting with Ray, like I've been doing for the past few weeks since my attempt. Ray's going on and on about this girl he met during his guitar lesson. I'm trying to listen, but I can't I'm just too worried about everything going on.

"Mikey? Are you okay?" He asks. I look up at him and nod quickly. He smiles and reaches out, flicking me in the forehead. "No you're not. What's going on in Mikey Way's head?" He asks. I sigh and sit forward. "Nothing, just stuff..." I say. He chuckles and holds his chin in his hands. "Yeah, what kind of stuff?" He presses. It's my turn to flick him in the forehead. "You're really nosy, y'know that?" I say. He nods and adds, "It's only because I care about you though." I stare at him, then smile. "I know you do," I say. Before I can say more, someone grabs my shoulder. I freeze and look at Ray. The look in his eyes tells me it's no one good.

As I turn around, I see Bert's right hand monkey, Jeph. I stare at him for a moment, not sure of what to think. "Hey, what did you do to Bert, huh?" He asks. I raise an eyebrow and scoff. "What did I do to him? You're shitting me," I say. I'm not afraid of Jeph. There's a reason I call him Bert's monkey. He's basically harmless without Bert's command. He glares me and pull me to my feet. "You heard me! I know you did something. Bert doesn't skip school unless something happened. Now cough it up," Jeph says. Not sure what he meant by 'something happened' but he's getting on my nerves. "Nothing happened, not to him. The only thing happening was him trying to kill me," I say dryly. 

That's what makes him angry. "You really are pathetic, Michael. Not a shock why Bert loves to beat you so much! You're annoying, bitchy, ugly, don't be shocked that people hate you," he says. And with that said, he slams his bony knuckles into my gut. The pain runs through me, burning. I bite my lip hard to keep myself from crying out as he does it again and again. He doesn't stop until someone yanks him off of me. "Get away from him! Don't ever touch my brother again!" Gerard screams. And just like that, he causes a scene. Jeph glares, walking away. I'm kneeling on the floor, clutching my gut, still biting down on my lip. 

"Mikey, are you okay?" Gerard asks, leaning over me. I nod, crushing my eyes shut tight. Gerard grabs my shoulders, pushing me into a sitting position. "Tell me what hurts," he says. I open my eyes and stare at my brother. "It might save you time if I tell you... what doesn't hurt," I mutter. He rolls his eyes and grabs my wrists. "Seriously Mikey, are you okay?" He asks. I life my head and bite my lip again for a moment. "I-I'm not sure... maybe?" I say. Gerard frowns and grabs the hem of my shirt, lifting it up. I glance down and see blood blooming through the bandages. "Oh shit!" Gerard whispers. I whimper and push Gerard's hands away. "Gee? Help me." I say.

He picks me up and runs to the nurse, Ray and Frank following behind. He holds me close and runs faster. "It's okay Mikey, you'll be alright," he says. We reach the nurses office and he sets me on the bed. "Please, help him," he says. I look over and grab Gerard's hand. "Hey, can I go home, once this is all over? I-I don't think it's too bad," I say. Gerard looks at me, then smiles wide. "Sure Mikey, if you're okay, then you can go home," he says. I grin and lay my head back. "Good, because I don't think I can go through another class," I tell him. He nods and steps away. The nurse stands over me and pulls my shirt up, peeling away some bandages and looking at the injuries.

"What exactly... happened, Mikey?" She asks. I look at Gerard, then back to her. And I explain it. Well, sort of. I don't explain why it happened, or how, or who did it; but I tell her that it happened. She nods and continues to look them over. "Well, they didn't open up too badly, only a little. You should be alright. The bleeding will stop. And going home is probably a good idea too," she says. Thank god. I sit up, groaning from the pain. "It's okay, we'll just wrap them up again, and send you home," she adds. I nod and watch as she grabs wrap bandage. She wraps me up and Gerard sticks his hand out, giving me two pills. "What's this?" I ask. He shrugs and grins. "You forgot your pills, you didn't bring 'em, so I did," he says.

I smile and take the pills from his hand. Thanks," I say, putting the pills in my mouth. Once the nurse is done, I pull my shirt down. "So I can just go home?" I ask. She nods and writes something on a piece of paper. "Just show this to the secretary and you'll be good to go," she says. I take the slip, then say," Well, Gerard drove me to school, is it okay if he takes me back?" She nods again and Gerard grabs my hand. "Let's get you home now then," he says. I stand up slowly, try hard to ignore the pain. Gerard and I walk out of the nurses office with Frank and Ray following. I hand the note to the woman in the main office and Gerard lets her know he'll be taking her home.

We get out to the cafeteria again so I can get my things. "Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can," Gerard says to Frank. Ray hands me my bag and wraps his arms around my shoulders. "Take care, Mikes," he says. I smile, nodding at him. I say goodbye to Frank and Ray. Gerard and I go go the parking lot toward his car. For the most part, the car ride is quiet, other than Gerard asking me if I'm okay. Finally, we're home. I'm about to get out of the car, but Gerard grabs my arm. I turn to him, giving him a questioning look. "Mikey... are you going to be okay alone? I mean, do you need me to stay here?" He asks.

I understand that he's worrying about me more than before, but it's almost a little overbearing. "I"ll be fine on my own Gee. Don't worry about me," I tell him. He sighs a little, then nods. Thank goodness he knows that now isn't a good time to push for his way. He smiles softly and pets my hair. Weirdo. "Alright, just take it easy, okay? I don't want you getting hurt while you're alone," he says. He hands me my pills and I get out of the car. He waves goodbye and I wave back. When he drives away, I go inside. The house is dead silent and empty. It's sort of cold without anyone there but me. I guess I never noticed until now. Either way, I don't like the lonely feeling it has.

I go to my bedroom, dropping my bag onto the floor. The pain I feel is so bad, I nearly can't stand it. I lay on my bed, feeling tears in my eyes. Damn Jeph. I realize that he doesn't know what Bert did to me exactly, but he didn't need to be such an ass. I lay on my side, my face nuzzling my pillow. The medicine hasn't kicked in yet, but god, I need it to. Tears slip down my face and hit my pillow. It's still unimaginable that Bert actually stabbed me last night. I knew he was violent, but not like that. I never expected him to actually hurt me in that way. But the look on his face after he did it... he actually looked scared. He looked like he had actually regretted what he did. But he'd never really regret doing something like that to me of of all people, right?

Though I still don't understand so much of last night at all. I dont' know why he wanted me to tell him I love him. That's beyond random. I always thought that if someone hated someone else, they wouldn't want that someone to love them, much less force them to say it. And then he told me that he needed to hear it? Why? Then of course, I'm stabbed. Then looked terrified that he did it. Finally, I'm told never to come back. Which makes no sense. I thought the sick fuck loved to hurt me and use me, why would he push me away? He's not making any sense to me not like he made much sense to begin with. This is just freaking nuts. I need to figure out what the hell is going on.

Despite the pain, I get out of bed and walk downstairs. I know Gerard is going to be so pissed when and if he finds out I left, even though he doesn't know where to. I'm surprised he hasn't flipped out about knowing Bert's hurting me. Maybe he was expecting it, who knows? I'm just glad that he's not angry with me... yet. I'm sure he will be if he ever finds out all that Bert'ds done to me. It's safe to say that what Bert's done to me might be worse than what he's done to Gerard. I hope, anyway. I don't ever want such horrible things to be done to my big brother.

I go to my car and start it up. I sit in the front seat in silence for a moment, then pull on my seat belt. I'm not sure what's going to happen, or how it'll explain anything, but I need to dot his. I need to get some sort of explanation, some form of answer, so that maybe I can sleep easier tonight. I turn my radio on to keep my mind clear for just a while, but all the thoughts still remain. I'm worried that if Bert sees me again, he'll get angry and do worse that just a couple of stab wounds. But everything he's done has led up to so many questions and so much confusion on my part. I don't understand his motives, I don't understand his anger. I need to find out.

I eventually get to Bert's house. I stop on the side of the road, staring at the building. Memories of what's happened in that house flood my mind. I can remember every meaningless fuck, every merciless beating, every hurtful word. I start to choke up a little. I blink a few tears away and open my car door. Walking up to the house, I'm a nervous wreck. My heart's beating like crazy and my palms are sweating. I reach the front door and slowly bring my fist up to knock. But the door opens before I can. I lower my fist and look at him. He looks like a mess. His hair needs washed badly and he's wearing baggy, dirty clothes. I back away, the hostile look in his eyes scares me. "The fuck are you doing here, Way?" He asks. Yeah, I'm going to die.


	10. Chapter Ten

-Gerard's POV-

I'm pacing around the waiting room, my mind racing at one million miles an hour. I'm freaking out. Mikey's hurt, really bad. What if he's not okay? What if he fucking dies??" Oh god, I can't lose him, not now. I just started to get close to him. He's just started to like me again. What will I say to Mom? I turn to Frank and start to cry. He never got to know Mikey too well, and now he might never be able to. I should have stopped this before it went too far. I should have kept him home instead of letting leave to wherever he wanted. It's my responsibility to keep him safe, and I've royally fucked up. If he dies... oh god, if he dies, I'll never be able to forgive myself. 

Somebody taps my shoulder an I nearly have a heart attack. I spin around quickly and see Mikey's doctor. My insides jump and twist around as my emotions conflict inside of me. He takes a small step back and looks at me with a look that sends my mind into panic mode. "Gerard, I'm sorry, we couldn't stop the bleeding..." he says. He's still talking, but I can't hear him. I push past him and run down the halls. No. No no no, this isn't happening to me. This can't be happening. My vision is blurred by the tears in my eyes as I reach the room he's supposed to be in. I see him. His thin body is under the bloody blanket. His skin is pale and ashen. I fall onto the floor beside him. My baby brother is dead and I did nothing to save him. This should have been me...

"Gerard? Gerard! Wake up!" Someone snaps. I gasp and sit up quickly. A pair of dark eyes are watching me. I sit up more, looking ahead at them. I'm face to face with Mikey. It starts to sink in that it was only a nightmare, Mikey's okay. I try to catch my breath and he puts his hands on my shoulders to steady me. "Gee, are you okay?" He asks. I look up at him, noticing that he's using the pet name he had given me when we were little. I nod, grabbing onto his forearms. "Y-yes. Did I wake you up?" I ask. He blinks, then shakes his head. "No, I haven't fallen asleep yet. I'm hurting like a bitch," he says. I frown and take his face gently in my hands. "Mikey, take your medicine, then go to sleep, yeah?" I say. He swallows then pulls my hands down. "But you were crying, are you sure you're okay?" He asks again.

I look at him and smile a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Just go to bed," I say. He sighs and pushes away from me, wincing slightly. "Fine, good night, Gerard," he mutters. I watch him walk away, closing the door behind him. I feel bad for pushing him away. He was only worried and trying to help. The minute that he actually wants to be around me, I wanted to be alone. I should have let him talk to me, but I'm tired and Mikey needs his sleep. Thank goodness it was only a dream. Mikey's still alive, and that's all I could ask for right now. I curl up into a ball and sigh. I need to find a way to get Mikey to tell me who's doing this. This has gone far enough. My little brother nearly died. I almost lost him because of that bastard, and I'm not about to let them get away with it. I'm finding out one way or another.

 

I wake up a few hours later by my alarm. I had another nightmare last night. Mikey died again, only this time, I was the one holding the knife. I get out of bed and put on new clothes. I brush some hair out of my face and look into the mirror. I swear, if I ever get close to hurting Mikey, I might as well just end myself there. I'd never want to hurt him. He's too important to me. I'd much rather die that hurt him, or anyone else that I love. I glare at myself in the mirror, angry at my unconscious mind, then walk downstairs. Frank is already up, and from the looks of it, he's been up for a while. He looks bored, holding a cup of no longer steaming coffee. "Hey, Frankie," I say softly. He looks up and smiles a little. "Good morning Gerard," he replies. I sit beside him, after getting my own cup of coffee.

Frank leans in and fives me a small kiss on the cheek. "Did you sleep alright?" He asks. I think about my night mares, should I tell him about them? I wrap my arm around his shoulder and say, "I slept as well as I can at a time like this." He nods and leans into my arm. It's not that I realize just how small Frank is compared to most his age. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I just sort of noticed. "Things are pretty crazy, but it'll get better. Just wait," he tells me. I smile and rub his shoulder lightly. "Yeah... I hope so. I just wish it's soon," I say. And god, it had better be soon. I don't think I can take much more of this. "Gerard, will Mikey be okay?" Frank asks. I look over at him and say. "Well yeah, he's gonna be fine. They stitched him up and they said he didn't hurt any vital organs or anything," I say. Frank shakes his head, sipping his coffee. "That's not what I meant," he mumbles.

Before I can say anything else, Mikey walks in. "Good morning, Mikey," I say, trying to be happy for him. He's getting some coffee, but still says good morning back. He doesn't seem too happy, but I'm not shocked as to why. He gives me a strange look and asks, "Can I... help you with something?" I didn't notice that I must have been staring at him. "No, I'm just glad you're okay right now," I say, thinking back to my dreams. He nods, taking a couple of his pills. "How're you feeling?" I ask. He shrugs and swallows his pills down with coffee, mumbling. "I'm in a ton of fucking pain, no thanks to Bert." I nearly choke on the air. I knew it was that sonofabitch. I stare at Mikey, no knowing what to say to him, I just gape. I'm so mad. That bastard is gonna pay. "Get your bags, get in the car," I say.

The drive to school seems like forever. I glance back at Mikey, his face is pale, as if he's scared to death. And he should be. When I get my hands on Bert, it's going to be gruesome. I try to relax my mind when Frank reaches for my hand. Our fingers lace together slowly and I take a deep breath in and out. In and out... I'm still angry, I'm pissed. Bert won't get away with hurting Mikey. He can hurt me all he fucking wants, but laying a finger on someone I love, that's a fucking death wish. Why did he have to hurt Mikey? That's what I really want to know. Mikey doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. He's normal. He's got good grades, got friends, nothing significantly abnormal about him (aside from his knees). So why should Bert want to hurt him? I grip the steering wheel tighter at the emotions running through me. How dare he do this? He went too far.

When we get to school, I stare at the building. I wont be able to hold back all of these emotions when I see him. I look at Mikey and place my hand on his arm. "Let's go," I say. I sounded a little harsher than I would have liked. I get out of the care, Frank and Mikey following suit. I grab Frank's hand and pull him close to me. "Hey Gee? Don't... don't give Mikey a hard time about this. It's gotta be pretty scary for him," Frank says quietly so that Mikey can't hear. I nod and squeeze his hand. "I know. I just can't believe he let this happen, and let it get so bad. He could have died... but I'll leave him alone for now, though I do need an explanation eventually." I say.

I look behind me. Mikey is following us slowly. I can hardly see him past all of the people. I look down at Frank and sigh. Things have been so hectic with Mikey that I've hardly been given the chance to spend time with Frank. "Baby, I love you," I say. Frank looks up at me and smiles. "Love you too, Gee," he says, his voice kind of distant. I smile back and bring his hand to my lips. "I just feel like I never tell you enough. But I really do love you, no matter what," I tell him. Frank doesn't say anything for a while, he looks like he's thinking really hard about something. I want so badly to know what it is. "You never have to tell me for me to know," he says. I laugh a little, kissing his hand more. "Don't plan on that love to stop happening any time soon," I say as the bell for class sounds. 

During my day, I keep my eyes out for Bert. I haven't seen him anywhere. I'm slightly relieved for that. He can't harass Mikey if he's not around. He's a damn coward though. He must've known that I'd eventually find out about it, and of course, stabbing Mikey would get me the answer much sooner. So he must've skipped today to avoid me, or maybe he's too afraid to face anyway. Either way, he's a coward and I hate him even more for it. How can he be so okay with nearly killing my little brother, but he's too afraid to show his fucking face? My god, I will kill him when I get the chance. But for now, all I can do is focus on my schoolwork, which sucks right now because it's math, and math was created by Lucifer himself. Though I'm not sure that even Lucifer could be this evil.

"Gerard, dude," someone next to me whispers. I lift my head and look over. It's Ray. I never noticed he was in this class before now. "What?" I ask quietly. He looks ahead, then back at me. "Is Mikey okay? I saw him earlier and he didn't look too good. I was just wondering if he was alright?" He asks. I don't know how to respond exactly. I don't want to make a scene about what happened, but I also can't like and say he's okay. I bite my lip and shrug. "He's going through a hard time right now, but he'll be okay soon, I'm sure," I say. Ray smiles and goes back to his work. I sigh and look down at my math. I never understood math, and it's much worse now that I can't focus on it because of what's going on.

I did eventually calm down for a while. All of the schoolwork distracted me from everything. Up until now, I was fine. I'm sitting at my lunch table with Frank. I was going to sit with Ray and Mikey, but I fell like Mikey doesn't want me around right now. I'm really on edge right now, even though Bert isn't around. I'm worried about his friends. I'm worried that they'll do Bert's job while he's gone. I'm watching their table closely, also watching Mikey. I don't want him to get hurt anymore. "Are you even listening to me?" Frank says. Honestly, no, I wasn't listening. Now I feel awful. "Babe, I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I replay. Frank pouts a little, then shakes his head. "Never mind..." he mumbles. That's just great. Now I'm an asshole.

I slip my arm around his waist and kiss his hair. "Frankie, I'm sorry. I'll listen now, I promise," I say. He shakes his head again, pushing me away. "No, it's fine, it wasn't important anyway," he says. I try to grab his hand, but the second my finger touches his hand, he pulls back. "Frank, don't be mad at me. What you were saying is important. I want to hear it." I tell him. He scoffs and sits up quickly. "Obviously it wasn't that important. You would have been listening if it was," he snaps. My eyes widen. Frank's never been mad at me before, not like this. "Frank, I.. I'm really sorry! Things are super hectic, you know that! I have a lot on my mind, but that doesn't mean what you have to say isn't important," I tell him. He looks down, then over to me... then glares. "Yup, I get that, but clearly, I'm not one of those things on your mind anymore, am I?" He says quietly, and it just about shatters my heart. 

Before I get the chance to say anymore, I see someone at Mikey's table out of the corner of my eye. I turn to see better, and when I do, my rage sets in. Jeph Howard, Bert's friend. I knew this was going to happen. I watch them closely, making sure that Jeph doesn't pull any shit. I wish I could read lips. I really wish that... "Gerard?! Ugh, damn it! The minute I try to talk to you again... you aren't listening!!!" Frank shouts, turning eyes to me. Holy shit, I can't win here! I try to speak again, but I see it happen. Jeph raises a fist and swings it at Mikey. "No... dammit. Frank, come with me," I say, grabbing his arm. Despite his protest, he follows, grabbing my shirt as I walk up behind Jeph, whose beating the shit out of Mikey.

"Get away from him! Don't ever touch my brother again!" I shout as I yank Jeph away. He walks away with a "fuck you Ways." I look at Mikey and get down on my knees to face him. "Mikey are you okay? Tell me what hurts." I say. He looks up at smiles a little. "Might save you time if I tell you what doesn't hurt," he says. I roll my eyes at his sarcasm. "Seriously Mikey are you okay?" I ask. The look in Mikey's eyes worries me. "I'm not sure... maybe..." he says. That answer isn't near good enough. I grab his shirt and lift it up to see what happened. When I do, I see the blood coming through his bandages. "Holy shit..." I say. When Mikey looks at it, I can tell he's starting to panic. "Gee, help me!" he says. 

I pick him up in my arms, even though I'm sure he can walk just fine. Carrying him, Frank and Ray follow me. I guess I'll have to deal with Frank later. I get to the nurse and lay him down. "Please help him," I say. The nurse gives me an odd look, but nods anyway. I look over at Mikey when he grabs my hand. "Hey, can I go home when this is over? I don't think it's too bad," he says. I smile a little and say. "Sure Mikey, if you're okay, then you can go home." Mikey smiles back and lays his head down. "Good, because I don't think I can go through another class," he tells me. Mikey can get pretty dramatic, and I guess we share that trait. Frank's told me this multiple times.

I back away from Mikey so that the nurse can help him better. I look at Frank and I attempt to hold his and, but he pulls it away. Again. I understand that things are too crazy for everything to make sense, but I'm not trying to ignore Frank. I'd never do that to him intentionally. Things are just so insane right now, it's not my fault. But hopefully it'll calm down soon and i can get him to trust me again. "Will they didn't open up too badly, only a little. You should be alright, the bleeding will stop. And going home is probably a good idea too," the nurse says. I focus back on Mikey. He tries to sit up, but he's in quite a bit of pain. The nurse starts to wrap up the wounds again. I remember that I brought his pills with me. I quickly reach in my pocket and grab them, pouring a couple into my hands for him.

"What's this?" He asks. I smile and shrug at him. "You forgot about the pills, you didn't bring em. So I did," I explain. He takes them gratefully and swallows them. "So I can just... go home?" He asks. The nurse nods and gives him a slip of paper, telling him to give it to the secretary. Mikey points out that I will be the one to have to take him home and thankfully, the nurse is okay with it. I help Mikey stand up, not doing much help, but it's something. I walk him out of the office, thanking the nurse for her help. Mikey hands the note to the aging woman at the front desk. I let her know that I'm taking him home, and that I'll return as soon as I do so.

The four of us go to the cafeteria to get Mikey's things. I turn to Frank, laying a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be back as soon as I can," I say. He untenses only a little and nods. I turn to Mikey, he's buried in one of Ray's hugs. I smile, knowing that Ray's safe for Mikey, really good for him. Behind them though, Jeph is back with his friends, laughing like nothing happened. I knew the teachers would've turned a blind eye. They always do when it comes to the 'unpopular' kids. I take Mikey's hand and we walk out of the building together. When we get to the car, I'm tempted to talk to Mikey about what happened, but know it'll end the same way it always does. I don't want to battle him right now. Our ride home is silent, though I do ask him if he's alright. He only nodded. When we get home, I'm a little worried about letting him be on his own. I'm worried about his safety. I don't like when he's alone. 

"Mikey are you gonna be alright by yourself? I mean, do you need me to stay here? " I ask. He gives me a distressed look. "I'll be fine on my own, Gee. Don't worry about me," he says. I sometimes wish that I didn't have to worry about him so much, but I do. "Alright... just take it easy, okay? I don't want you getting hurt when there's no on around to help you," I say. Mikey nods and gets out of the car. As I'm driving away, I'm relieved to realize that since Bert's absent, and Mikey's at home, it'll be the first day in months that Mikey gets a break. I drive a little slower now, happier, calmer. I can fix things with frank, with Mikey, with myself; because I'm not letting Mikey get hurt like that again, or anyone that I love. I'm going to protect him with everything that I've got, even if it kills me. 

I get back to school soon after, lunch hasn't even ended yet. I find Frank sitting with Ray. Before I get to them, I see that Frank is crying, and Ray is trying to cheer him up. Is he crying because of me? Have I upset him this much? I sit on the other side of the table, trying not to get Frank's attention. Ray sees me and purses his lips a bit. "N-no it wont! Gerard's too busy for me now. I don't mean to sound whiny and obsessive, but I miss when he paid attention to me," he says. Ray gives me a look of apology and I feel a lump rising in my throat. I've got to fix things with Frank fast, or else he might leave me. 

I stare at Frank for a while as he talks about how much he hates how lonely he's gotten while I've been so busy. It's heart breaking to hear how much I've actually hurt Frank. I want to say something, but I can't bring myself to actually do this. I feel tears slip from my eyes, trickling down my cheeks. Ray looks back at me, then says to Frank. Hey, maybe you're being over dramatic. I'm sure he doens't mean to make you feel this way." Frank scoffs, rubbing his eyes. "Maybe not, but he sure isn't doing anything to make things work for us. Maybe... we aren't supposed to be together," he says. I gasp and reach out, grabbing his hand. "Frankie no, I love you! I can make this work! I can make us work! Please, I promise that I can make everything better, just don't leave me!" I beg.

Frank jerks away with wide eyes. "G-Gerard?! When did you get here? H-how much did you hear?" He asks. I wipe my eyes and reach for Frank's hand again. "I've been here long enough to know how terrible I've been to you. I'm sorry, I can't say it enough, I'm so sorry," I say. He bites his lip, pulling his hand away again. "But you wouldn't have cared if you didn't hear what I just said," he mutters. My heart sinks and I look down. "That's not true, Frank. I care a lot. But when I heard you say that, I realized how much I've hurt you. I'm sorry. Things are going to change," I tell him. Frank sighs sadly, shaking his head. "You just keep believing that," he says. He gets up when the bell rings, leaving me behind with Ray. He looks at me and smiles sadly. "You tried your best, Gerard," he says. But did I really?

I spend the rest of my school day trying to figure out how I'm going to save my relationship with Frank. If I mess this up anymore. I'm going to lose him. He means so much to me, losing him would be devastating. I've fallen so in love with him, I don't think I could ever love anyone the same way ever again. I hope that eventually, Mikey will find a person he can love this much. it's an incredible feeling, until you realize that the person you love so much might leave you. It hurts even more when you know it's your fault. I don't know what I'd do without Frank, I'll be crushed. That's why I have to do everything in my power to keep him from leaving me. I need to show him how much I really love him. 

After school, I go to the spot that Frank and I meet everyday. Surprisingly enough, Frank is there, leaning up against the wall, his sunglasses placed over his eyes. I walk up to him and hesitantly touch his arm. "Hi Frank," I say softly. Frank looks up and raises his hand into a small wave. "Hey," he replies, monotone. I consider grabbing his hand, but decide against it. Frank and I walk to the car together. "Because Mikey went home today, we can all do something together, if you want," I say quietly as a way to start a conversation with him. Frank puts his seat belt on and shrugs. "Sure, I guess," He mutters. I sigh and start the car. It's probably best not to annoy him right now. I drive down the road, my mind racing. I just want to get home and figure this all out.

When we do get home, I open Frank's door for him, but he shrugs me off saying, "I can do it myself, y'know. I'm blind, not stupid." I watch him as he storms inside. I wish he wasn't mad at me. I go inside after him, dropping my bag on the couch. "Mikey! We're home," I call. I go upstairs to Mikey's room, but the door is open and the lights are off. He's not in his room, so I search the rest of the house, calling for him. He's not home. "Dammit, Mikey! Where are you?" I hiss. I rush to the living room, where Frank is. "Frank, Mikey's not here. I don't know where he is. I'm scared," I say. Frank looks down and makes a small groan noise. "Of course he isn't here, what a fucking surprise," he says bitterly.

I want to yell at Frank for talking so rudely about Mikey, but I won't. I know he must be upset with Mikey for taking away his attention again. "Frank, don't be mad at him, he doesn't try to have this happen. Well, he must've left the house intentionally, but not to get all of my attention. We just... we have to find him, then you and I can do whatever the hell we want," I say. He pouts a little, then nods. "Alright, where do you think he is?" He asks, defeated. I take his hand and pull him up off the couch. "I have no idea... unless, god, I hope I'm wrong," I say. What if he's with Bert? I run to the window, looking out. Just as I thought. His car is gone. I run my fingers through my hair, letting out a huge exhale. This isn't how I wanted today to go at all.

I take Frank by the hand again and go to my car. "Okay, where the hell does that nasty bastard live?" I ask. I tap my fingers on the steering wheel and glare. Frank rests his head on the window and shrugs. "Try squeezing the answers out of Jeph?" He suggests. Well, that obviously won't work. I'm not exactly "intimidating" enough to get him, or anyone for that matter, to tell me anything. I drive around the block once, trying to clear my mind. "I'm going to assume that your silence means that my idea was stupid," Frank mumbles. I glance over at him and shake my head. "No, it wasn't stupid. It might have worked if someone else did it, not me," I say. He shrugs and takes off his sunglasses. "Yeah right," he grumbles. I frown and continue to drive. Currently, conversation with Frank is pointless.

What if Mikey isn't with Bert? He could be out doing something else. Anything else. I grab my phone, calling my little brother. It takes a while, but he eventually answers. "Yeah?" He says. Frank lifts his head to listen better. "Mikey, where are you? Why did you leave the house?" I ask, shifting in my seat a little. "I"m just driving around a bit, but don't worry about me," he says. Does he really expect me to believe him after how often he's lied so far? It's like the boy who cried wolf, only the opposite. He keeps saying he's fine and that I should trust him, so I would, but now that I know they're all lies. "Mikey, don't lie to me. What are you dong?" I ask. I hear someone talking on the other end of the phone, and it's not Mikey. "Who are you with?" I ask, pressing more. Mikey sighs. "Like I said, I"m driving and you're hearing the radio," he says. I still don't like this feeling that he's not telling me the truth. 

What's so hard for him to be honest with me? "Well.... okay, be home tonight. And please Mikey, please be safe," I say hesitantly. Mikey hangs up the phone and I toss it to the side. I look over at Frank and say, "Well, if Mikey's telling me the truth, then he's okay. So it's just you and me. And like I said, we can do anything you want. I know that you and I haven't spent enough time together, but we can now," I say. Frank frowns and shakes his head. "No, I just sort of want to be alone actually. I got some stuff to think about," he says. Really? The one time we have together, he wants to be alone. "Okay, we can just go home then. But tell me if you change your mind," I say, trying not to sound upset. Frank sinks into his chair and nods. "Okay, thanks," he mutters. I try not to cry as I drive back home. Frank isn't happy. I'm his boyfriend, it's my job to make him happy. I'm failing.

The minute I part in the driveway, Frank's out the door. I sigh as he slams the door shut behind him. I wish he'd stop being mad at me. I go inside as well, the house is so quiet. Frank probably went to his room, leaving me to myself. I lean against the door and slide to the carpet. I feel so bad. I didn't know how badly I was affecting Frank with my occupation with Mikey. I really just need to talk to him, but he said he wanted to be alone, so I have to respect that. But what if... what if Frank said he wanted to be alone but actually wanted me to talk to him? Is this a test to see if I really care about him? If it is, then I have to make sure that I don't disappoint him again. 

I get up and go to Frank's door, knocking. "Leave me alone, Gerard," Frank says. I swallow and rest my arm on the door. "Frank, I really thing it's important that we talk," I say. He lets out an audible groan and opens the door. The first thing I notice is the redness and blotching of his face. His eyes are watery and there are tear stains on his cheeks. He's been crying. "Frank, are you okay?" I ask. He nods, but still cries. Next thing I see is a suitcase open on the bed, clothes messily (blindly) thrown in. That makes my stomach sink and twist. "What's going on?" I ask worriedly. Frank turns his head down and sniffles, bringing it back up. I'm not sure if what I'm about to hear is anything near what I'd like to. My heart beat was crazy, but nearly stops cold when he says, "I'm leaving."

 

-Mikey's POV-

Bert stares at me with angry and confused eyes. "The fuck are you doing here, Way?" He asks. I shift my weight from side to side, unsure of how to really answer that. "Um, I... I... just wanted to... t-talk to you? Please, don't hurt me," I stammer. He glares at me and raises an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah right," he says. He starts to close the door, but I stop it. He looks up at me and clenches his jaw. "Bert, I'm serious about this," I say. He rolls his eyes. "I thought I told you never to come back here," he hisses. I bite my lip and nod. "Yeah, I know you said that, but I have questions and I need answers," I admit. He looks totally pissed, and confused, and oddly nervous. "Okay, fine. Get it the fuck over with," he mutters.

I nod, slowly walking in behind him. "What do you want?" he asks. Nervously, I play with my jacket strings. "Um, well first, I guess... I wanna know why you wanted me to say I love you... and what you mean when you needed to hear it... and that I wouldn't understand?" I ask. He scoffs, raising an eyebrow. "That's like three questions in one, first of ll, And second, what makes you think I'll tell you?" He says. I make a small noise in my throat. He's right, why should he tell me anything? He hates me, so why would he answer a single one of these questions? But dammit, he owes me for what he's done. I clench my fists, facing him directly. "You'll tell me because... when you did say all of those things, after you fucking stabbed me... I saw something about you and the look in your face. It changed. You were a completely different person in that second and I want to know what that was about," I say. 

Bert looks even more confused. And perhaps a little less angry. "The hell is that supposed to mean?" He asks, his voice quieter than normal. I shrug and rub my arm. "I saw a change for a second, and the way you seemed you'd be like that was like a better side of you or something..." He gives me this look that have tells me that he wants to kill me, half wants to cry. "There is no other side. And if there was, there's no way it would be better. What you've seen is all there is," he says. I shake my head and walk closer, my confidence a little higher now. "No, I know what I saw. You looked guilty, like you cared and you actually can be better than this. What's wrong with being a better person? Why is the hurtful, mean side the only you that people see? What are you afraid of?" I say. He advances on me, raising a fist. He goes in to hit me, but stops midway. He look sat me and he has tears in his eyes. Bert McCracken is on the verge of tears.

He drops his fists and falls back into a chair. Bringing his knees to his chest and hiding his face in them. I'm speechless as I watch his shoulders shake and I hear small sobs. I can't believe that I just made him cry. He slowly lifts his head, his lob black hair falling in his face, hiding himself from me. "Why... why do you even care?!" He shouts. I take a step back. How do I answer this? "I don't know really, I shouldn't care. I should just let you be alone and helpless, but I wont," I say. He shakes his head and looks down. "No, I mean, why do you care if there's another part of me or not?" He asks. I smile a little and walk back toward him. "Because if you showed it, which I know it's better, then you would have to force people to love you, it could just happen on it's own," I explain.

He says nothing, just stares at me for a very long time. He hardly looks like the same person anymore. The tears and fear in his eyes are unlike anything I'd ever expect from him. The anger is gone, he just looks plain lost, but more... human. Maybe I can even help. I don't know why I should or why I want to, but I do. I might be able to do something good for someone else, something that doesn't involve anyone getting hurt. "Do you think that would work?" He asks? God, even his voice is different. I smile more and nod. "Absolutely, once I lowered my guard more, I got an old friend back, and I got my brother back. Changing your attitude about stuff worked for me, it should for you," I say. He stares stolidly at the floor and sighs. "Okay... but I don't know how. Or where to even start, it's gonna be really new to me," he says. I nod and sit in the chair next to him. "That's where I come in," I say.

 

We spend the next couple of hours talking. Well, mostly, Bert cried and apologized, then cried and apologized some more... for a couple more times in a row. Then we got interrupted by a phone call from Gerard. He was worried why I wasn't home. I guess I can't blame him either. When I turn back to Bert, he's crying, again. "What now?" I ask, not in an annoyed way, but a curious way. This new Bert cries a lot. He rubs his eyes and says, "It's just that... you're really lucky to have each other, like, you're never really alone. You've got your brother around to help." I sit beside him again and think about that. "Don't you have someone What about your parents? I mean, I never see them, but I assume they're around... right?" I ask. He hiccups a little and starts to tear up a bit more. "No... I haven't seen them in a damn long time," he says.

"It was when I was six, my parents left for the weekend, which was normal for them. But on that next Monday, they weren't home. I waited a few days, but I started to get this feeling that they weren't ever coming home. I knew for sure that they weren't coming back when my uncle showed up at the house one day. He hates family, he only ever visited when he was forced to. After that, he'd drop by with groceries, payed the bills, kinda kept me alive. No one was there for my emotional needs though. I eventually got old enough to take care of myself. I started paying bills at thirteen with money he mailed over. It's how it's always been. I'm used to being alone, I guess. And my friends, they don't really care about me, so they aren't much help," he explains. I can't believe what I'm hearing. It's not what I was expecting from him. Having to live alone at such a young age. "Weren't you scared?" I ask.

He nods and sits back. "Yeah, for the first couple of years. I used to have these nightmares that scared me shitless, but I had no one to tell the I'd be okay, or that it wasn't real, or make me feel safe. But I got over it pretty quick. That doesn't mean I wasn't still scared though, it just mean I learned to suck it up and move on," he says. Shit, he was more hurt and lonely than I thought. I'm not used to him being so honest and not hurting me. It's something I have to get used to. "I got really jealous though," he continues. "I was jealous of all the other people who had families. They weren't scared, and I wanted what thy had. So I got angry at the kids from school. I got violent with them because that's how I learned to deal with my anger. No one told me it was wrong. So that's why I get violent... But then there was... Gerard Way." I gasp a little bit. Is he really going to tell me why he hurt my brother. I lean closer an inch or so.

"It was in the seventh grade, I had already been bullying him for a few years. But one day, I called him a faggot, called him gay. And he just said, "so what if I am?" He actually came out to all of us, every single one of his classmates knew he was gay. I got angrier and more violent because he did it so fearlessly. And I could never do that. He and I aren't too different actually, but it's the fact that he's able to say that he's gay, and I can't admit that, not even to myself. I'm too afraid," he says. My eyes widen a little. I'm not shocked that Bert's gay, I'm shocked that he's jealous of Gerard. "Mikey?" He says. I look at him and tilt my head. "You aren't going to tell everyone right? You're the only one who knows any of this. Please, just don't tell," he says. I shake my head quickly and lift my hand up. "I promise, I will never do that. You don't have to worry," I say.

Bert smiles and it's probably the most shocking thing I've seen all day. For once, he looks happy about something. There's nothing mean or cruel about it, he's just genuinely happy. It's honestly contagious, I smile right back without even thinking. We talk for a while longer about a lot of things. Things he likes and/or dislikes, things that I like and/or dislike and then of course, more crying from Bert. He's not used to this sort of emotion. After a while, he looks at the clock and his face falls. "It's seven. You should go home before Gerard starts freaking out," he says. I hadn't noticed how fast time went by. I nod and stand up, but I gasp loudly. The pain meds wear off too fast. I fall back onto the couch and whimper quietly. "Are you okay, Mikey?!" He asks. I nod and get back, trying hard to ignore it. "I'm fine, I just gotta get home," I say. He frowns, but nods anyway. "It was my fault... wasn't it? What I did to you?" He asks. I nod again and he frowns. "I'm sorry," he says for the thousandth time today. "It's fine, really, I'm okay," I say. Before I leave, he pulls me into a soft hug. "Thank you Mikey, so much," he whispers. And despite my pain, I hug him back.

Over the course of a few hours. Bert has made an unbelievable change. He went from a heartless jerk to a scared guy whose heart needs help healing. I actually started to fix Bert McCracken. What if I succeed? How would things change? Could Bert and I become friends? Could he and Gerard become friends? I already know that the two have a lot in common. They might actually get along. Bert needs more friend, and so doe Gerard. I think this new Bert is a good guy, from what I've seen. I don't know too much about him yet, but I'll figure it out. And if Bert is so alone, I want to keep going over there to keep him company. It's strange... the same guy who nearly killed me is somehow the same guy I spent my day with.

When I get home, the lights are on and Gerard is looking out the window. I wonder how long he's been standing there? I get out of the car and Gerard comes outside, heading toward me. He looks pissed and upset. "Where the hell were you? You've been gone for hours! Don't expect me to believe that you've been driving for that long!" He shouts. I sigh, walking to the door, Gerard following quickly. "Don't walk away from me! Answer me! I think I deserve some answers here Mikey. Why did you leave the house? Why didn't you at least tell me you were leaving, you scared me half to death! Were you with Bert? Were you with that freak?!" He presses.

I spin around and glare. "I was just out, that's all you need to know. I don't need to check in with you when I want to get out of the house! And who cares what I was doing? Do you need a fucking play-by-play?!" I snap. He glares back and slams the door. "I don't need your smart ass comments, Mikey, I want straight forward answers. Now," he spits. I groan and drop my bag. "What's wrong with you Gerard? What's got you in such a bitchy mood?" I ask. Gerard freezes and now looks really sad. What did happen? "Frank... wants to go to a foster home," he says quietly.

"Frank's leaving?" I ask, surprised. I thought he was happy here, guess now. Gerard looks at me, then starts to cry. "He... he didn't really say much. He just told me he was leaving and that he wasn't going to change his mind. Mikey, I messed up so badly with him. I-I don't want to mess up with you too. I need you too, more than you know. I don't hate you Mikey, despite what you might believe. I love you so much. Don't leave me behind like Frank is," he says. I walk toward him and wrap my arms around his body. He leans into me and sobs into my shoulder. I guess it's another round of tears for me. 

Gerard keeps talking, "And... and when I found out that Bert was the one hurting you, I... I couldn't believe it. I don't know why he did this to you! And I can't really do anything about this... he's stronger than me. You don't deserve this. But it turns out that I do. I was ignoring Frank. I neglected him. I didn't know what I was doing, but now he's going away. I'm so sorry Mikey. I'm going to try hard to be here for you. I promise!" He cries. I hold him tight and stroke his hair. I know he's going to be upset about what happened with Bert, that was obvious, but he definitely doesn't deserve that sort of abuse either. Nobody really does. 

Gerard tries to tell me that he wants to make a plan to keep Frank home, but I have to talk him out of it. We can't force Frank to stay somewhere that he wants to leave. Later, Mom comes home. "Hey boys, are you don't okay?" She asks. Gerard has stopped crying by now, and his skin color has returned to his usual pale pale white. But the minute he sees her, he breaks down again. Mom runs over to the couch beside him and puts her arms around him. "What's wrong Gerard?!" She asks. And Gerard tells her in a choppy, sobbing way about how Frank wants to leave, but he leaves out the part about Bert. 

I watch sympathetically as my brother sobs into Mom's shoulders. I've never had my heart broken, mostly because I've never fallen in love. But seeing Gerard like this proves that broken hearts are all too real. I can imagine how painful it would be to have to see the person you love leave you behind. Listening to Gerard cry and Mom comfort him, I start to think about how far we've all come. Every single one of us have changed. Gerard and I stopped hating each other, Frank got free from his dad, and even Bert's a better man. I know that we can make it through this. We have to try.

"M-Mikey?" Gerard says. I look to him and he says. "C'mere. I want a hug from you too." I smile an little and scoot closer to him, wrapping my arms around him again. He rests his head on my shoulder now, sniffling. "You'll be okay sweetie, I promise. You're strong, both of you are, I love you," Mom says. I look up at her and my heart sinks. He eyes are sunken in a little, dark bags underneath. Her hair is thrown up carelessly. I see the stress and strain in her eyes. I never give her the respect she deserves, do I?

Mom works so hard to keep Gerard and I happy. And now that I know that not all kids have any parents around for them, I have a new found respect for her. She works her ass off, she had to go through a divorce with Dad, and she has to take care of kids who don't appreciate her. Well, I can help with some of that. There's nothing I can do about Dad, but I can appreciate her a lot, and respect her, help her out as much as I can. I'm going to try my hardest to be there for everyone in my life. Mom, Gerard, even Bert. Things are going to change even more around here, aren't they?


End file.
